See the Last Line

Twirling a pen in his hands like a sword,
The ink stains before him a steadfast ward,
A declaration of his own independence,
To validate his untimely absence.

Gone.

A cloud of sapphire smoke.
A flicker of white light.

A chat with a friendly bloke.
A shock and a fright.

The vibration of a string.
A childlike caper.

Witnessing a wing,
The creasing of paper.

These are how one strengthens that inner whelp.
Can you help others when you need help?

Reviews

[Mizuki Tsukiakari]

"A declaration of his own independance," I know there are so many other beutifully worded lines in this poem, but it's this one line that I just adore! I'm so used to hearing the words 'declaration' and 'independance' refer to the document, call it strange, but it's like a breath of fresh air. Now I'm sounding stupid ;p Such a fitting title for this piece. Loved it as always, Luke.

[zainul]

Seen the last line.
Indicates a crisis of a person who struggles to overcome through various efforts and actions mentioned in the preceding lines.
The person may or may not help others when s/he her/himself needs help.
All depends on her/his mood and environment.
Great write.
Enjoyed reading.

[Clockwork]

I liked how you tackled the old "Is the pen mightier than the sword?" question by using the simile in the first stanza. Nice allusion to the declaration of independence in line four of stanza one.

Though on the lines "Can you help others when you need help?" line: I think it takes that inner fortitude that you mention earlier, you know, so one does not lead the people they are healing off of a cliff...or into the depths of emotional turmoil. A thought provoking one. Luke.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you! I am glad you liked it and I always intend to create a discussion, they are the best pieces :)

[Dana Alsamsam]

easy flowing rhyme held with a subtle darkness. love the vibe of this piece! those last two lines are rather insightful and a great way to cap off the thought.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you! I am glad you liked it. Dark pieces are always the best :P

[Dana Alsamsam]

agreed- most of my writing is that way!

[Shaun Payton]

Very thought inducing writing, but I find its hard to help others when you cant help yourself.

[Luke Rawlings]

True, very true. Thank you for the review :)

[Shaun Payton]

You are welcome Luke. Hows be you?

[Luke Rawlings]

I am good thanks, life is pretty easy right now. How are you? :)

[Shaun Payton]

Three months later...I am well:)

[marty360]

Brilliant as always, Luke. Great visual imagery and such a strong closing line. And my answer to it would be yes, you can. As I have often done so.
Well done my friend.

[Luke Rawlings]

Thanks Martin! You'll make me blush :P I'd disagree with your answer.. but I'll save that discussion for the house xD

[QuietlyCrash]

"Can you help others when you need help?"
What a way to close this out. I'll be thinking about that for awhile. I absolutely love this piece. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. :)
-Riley

[Luke Rawlings]

I am glad it made you think, I achieved my aim :) Let me know when you find an answer :P

[Mizo4]

brilliant scturue, interesting images cool poem

[Luke Rawlings]

Thanks! :D

[Dr.Who.LOVER]

extremely powerful i absolutely loved it!

[Luke Rawlings]

Thank you! :D

[Jo Todd]

This is good, very good. I can really imagine you reading this out as well. Kinda reminds me of a wizard with a pen for a wand
You better perform this next time I see you x

[Luke Rawlings]

Thanks! I 'd best get practicing then :')