An Alternate Reality

What could have been, what could still be.

You awake to the sound of your alarm, it is loud and overbearing, you get up and get ready to go to school. On your way home you see the flag waving and flowing with the wind with great fervor, you come home with the news playing on the television as your father watches with great distaste and as your mother tells you to wash your hands before you eat dinner. As the three of you gather around the table your father recalls how your mother could not keep her hands off him when they were young, she kept groping my butt and kept kissing my lips. Do not listen to your father your mother says as your father continues to recall how he used to spank her but and how she enjoyed it. It is true! Your father exclaims, whilst your mother vehemently denies his claims, the news then switches to a report on an attack on government forces by rebels. Your mother speaks out by defending the rebels. Your father replies. If it had not been for your activist groups back in the day our country might still be in our hands, I had fought the invaders with great ferocity while your groups destabilized the only institution that had any fighting chance, he continues, the rancid smell of the dead and dying men around me enters my mouth, the odor was so foul that you are able to taste death and decay. Your mother remains silent, your father stands and brings a box over to your side of the table. Open it he says. You open it to see a gun and dozens of bullets casings, you grab the gun and as you feel the cold metal against the palm of your hand, he lightly grabs your arm, you feel his course and rugged hands, and finally he speaks. For Each casing you see is one invader I killed with this gun, I fought so you would not have to, but we lost. Your future and the future of our nation is now in your hands.

Reviews

[fishball]

Reading the story made me feel like I was the one in that reality. As if the message at the end was truly directed to the person reading the text. And I think that's a great way to get the message across. Our and the future of our nation is in our hands.
Aside from the work needing a bit more of punctuation and spacing, the story is good and I can really get a good grasp on the author's perspective. :))

[moongirl]

It feels kinda dark but I found the message kind of fascinating. I like how you used the second POV to get your message across. However, it would have been better if you added spaces because it looked like one whole paragraph, and added quotation marks on the dialogue. But you have potential and your vocabulary is superb.

[Ysa]

Your sentences tend to be too long with lots of commas. Try to form sentences with varying lengths. And quotation marks too please for dialogues. Otherwise, this is a very noble piece. Just a tad bit weird since I didn't think I'd see the word spanking hahaha!

[gabby]

Wow! its good, i always found your writing interesting because you really can connect world wide issues and politics to your works and it adds a nice touch. nagiging dystopian story and ang cool! Just add quotation marks when a character speaks so it will be organized :)