Perfect

Three closeted gay kids in a small, homophobic, town.

Maci and Bri were the perfect couple, that summer. They had all the right pieces for something incredible-- they were young and pretty in the perfect dusty little town for a rural love story, and they had just the right dose of secrecy. It was just the two of them girls, and Tyler, who knew about them being together at all. It was their special secret romance, and that just made everything all the more exciting.

Maci and Bri had met at church, last December. Bri was new, and nobody could quite figure out why her family had moved from an actual city to their town. Bri’s mother had claimed she needed connection. Connection with real people, and most importantly, connection with God. So, buying a property away from any sort of city life, investing in a few good dairy goats, and making the decision to homeschool the kids seemed like the best way to go. Maci had been there her whole life, a lot like Tyler. 

Maci and Tyler were the perfect couple. They’d been dating since they turned 13, and their parents fully expected them to get married. Before Bri had turned up, they’d expected so, as well. They had a lot in common. They both liked board games, finding ways to watch movies their parents hated without them finding out, conspiracy theories about aliens, and, they were both gay. They always told each other that real love didn’t have to be romantic, anyway-- and maybe someday they’d find that, too. The problem was that they were the only gay kids in town, as far as they could tell. And then there was Bri. 

Neither had ever met somebody as obviously gay as Bri. Although she was still technically in the closet, the door was made of glass. Everyone could see her in there. Or at least, anyone who would recognize queerness, in any capacity, would. Maci’d been so nervous that she made Tyler approach her first, so that she could have somebody to introduce her. He found the whole thing to be adorable.

By February, they were flirting, and in March they kissed. It was a giggly, awkward, mess of a kiss, the two of them sitting on Maci’s bed while Tyler chatted with Maci’s parents downstairs. April and May passed much the same, and with June came summer, and with summer came picnics and long afternoons down by the pond at the edge of town, sneaking kisses and cuddles whenever they felt safe enough to do so. It was almost too easy. Tyler and Maci would tell their parents they were going on a date, they’d be satisfied, and Bri would join them the moment they were out of sight. They sat three in a row every Sunday at church, and they all privately agreed that whatever heaven was like, it’d probably be something similar to that summer. It wasn’t terribly difficult to convince folks that the trio was comprised of Maci, her significant other, and her best friend, when all you had to do was switch around who was who. Girls could always get away with being more touchy-feely anyway.  

July was hot and heavy, and Bri’s mother’s goats were entering their first kidding season. Maci and Tyler didn’t see much of her, that month, except for when they rode their bikes down to Bri’s house every now and then to try and help. Maci made herself busy bottle feeding the newborns, fawning over them like puppies. Then, suddenly, it was already August, and the girls were celebrating six months.

And there they were-- sitting on a stretched out towel by the pond, watching the color of the sky change as afternoon became evening. Maci leaned her head on Bri’s shoulder, letting her weight sink into the other girl’s. This was a normal, casual sort of intimacy, by now. It was reassuring and familiar. But, unlike other times, Bri gently shoved Maci off, and back to upright. 

“I don’t know if we should be doing that, Mace,” said Bri, staring decidedly at the pond and not at Maci.

“What? Why?”

“Well, I-- Look, Mace, we’ve been keeping this secret for six months.”

“Yeah, and it’s going great. Nobody suspects a thing.” There was a long stretch of silence, then. Maci looked out across the pond, watching the sun dip below the horizon. She’d always found ways to make the closet a bearable place to be-- her friendship with Tyler, stories about aliens and the idea of being abducted. She’d always kinda wondered whether if she got abducted by aliens, she’d be close enough to heaven to see it, peeking out from behind the stars. Finally, Bri broke the silence.

“How long are we gonna stay in the closet? A year? Five years? Forever?”

“Yeah, something like that. Until we can get away, at least. Y’know-- financial independence, our own place-- you, me, and Tyler.” Maci grinned, and lowered herself down to lay on her back, staring up at the silhouette of the treetops on the sky. “It can be hard to keep it secret, but--”

“Hard? Maci, this is-- I don’t know how you and Tyler can keep pretending that everything’s perfect and we’re in heaven when Father MacKensie goes off saying how the gays are all going to hell, every week, and we all know our families only love us because they don’t know us. This isn’t heaven, Mace, and I think you know that.”

Evening turned into night slowly and wordlessly, and the girls packed up their things with their I love you’s stuck in their throats. There were a hundred questions Maci wanted to ask but every time she looked over, all she could see was the frustration and some strange hurt on Bri’s face, and she stopped herself before the words could come out.

When Maci got home, Tyler was already there. She didn’t say anything, she just pulled him into a hug and buried her face into his shoulder and stayed there. He furrowed his brow and awkwardly moved one hand to run his fingers through her hair. Her mother, concerned, passed by them and into the living room, shooting a worried glance at Tyler. He gave her a nod, before turning his focus back to Maci. 

Maci and Tyler were the perfect couple. The two of them could hide forever, play happy teenagers forever, wonder and wish and plan some vague and unattainable future forever. Maybe that’s why they liked aliens so much-- abduction was the only way out they could imagine. Maci and Tyler were the perfect couple because they could allow each other to escape the what ifs. What if the parents find out? What if Hell is real? What if there is no out? No away? What if Bri wasn’t gonna be there forever and Maci and Tyler did get married? And of course they’d be happy, because they were happy as friends, but they wouldn’t be happy as a couple because it wasn’t like that-- And of course they wouldn’t be lonely, but also, of course they would be. It’s a lonely thing, being in a closet. Even if the door is glass.

Author's Note

As always, tear my story apart! Be constructive, obviously, but this is your free pass for in depth "deep tissue" criticism. I have a thick skin.