The Holidays

The holidays. The best times when you're together, the worst when you're apart. Holiday cheer tends to amplify life. Joy and sadness alike. When you're apart, you generally tend to be saddened by witnessing others' joy. Like a homeless man with his face pressed against a bakery window. Pain cause just by being denied the one thing we want most, while all the while having it dangled constantly in our faces. The feeling wears. 

And what's more is I would never let you know this. Even if you might be mired in these holiday blues, too, I could take the chance of turning up no reflection of my own loneliness. 

Of course, there's the gift-giving, and the family meals, the drawn out stories and the laughter. But then, there is the other side of the holidays; where everything is ending around us and we are planning our new beginnings. 

I let my mind run wild on this point. Will you be in a crowded place, shouting at your friends over frosty glasses? Trying to act calm when they start their hunt for the girls they'll ring in the new year with? Will you be? Will your lips ghost over another girl's while the people erupt with cheers and glass-clinking around you? Will I cross your mind?

You're supposed to be planning new beginnings with me. I wonder how many years I'll have to start fresh without you. I wonder how many I'll continue to wait. I wonder if you'll wait at all.