Old Santy Crashed His Sleigh One Night

You will need stamina as this is a long, narrative poem, one that includes a small glossary of western slang, as well as some place-names and key dates for historical context.

Old Santy Crashed His Sleigh One Night

 

On Christmas eve of ‘62,

Well, things was lookin’ mighty blue.

There’d been a crash, a wreck all right

A prairie mishap one dark night.

 

But let me backtrack just a bit

So you can ponder all of it.

One special night, so long ago,

Found Santy Claus all set to go

 

When way North, one winter’s night,

The sky was filled with stars all bright.

And on that Eve, old Santy flew

His magic reindeer sleigh, it’s true!

 

But later on a storm arose,

The worst one ever I suppose,

The wind commenced an awful blow

That filled the air with ice and snow.

 

Old Santy couldn’t see at all,

And then his sleigh began to fall.

His reindeer froze, then couldn’t fly

No matter how they fought to try.

 

So down it went, the sleigh and deer . . .

This filled old Nick with dread and fear

‘Cause in his sleigh were all the toys

For countless wishful girls and boys.

 

A dreadful drop, a jarring crash,

All Christmas hopes it seemed to dash.

Old Nick was groggy, light of head

And mighty lucky he wern’t dead.

 

The racket woke a skinner old

A muleteer if truth be told.

Snug in the fort he’d heard the sound

Of something crashing to the ground.

  

Jake left his bed all safe and warm,

In Benton’s fort assailed by storm,

Then grabbed a lantern off the hook,

Threw on his boots to take a look.

 

No other souls awoke that night

The soldiers, freighters, slept right tight.

So Jake took off to look around

For what had crashed into the ground.

 

The snow had drifted rather deep

Since he’d retired for his sleep.

So through the gate he left to see

The site of such calamity.

 

Outside the fort, an awful sight

Revealed itself by lantern light,

A busted sleigh and reindeer too!

Old Santy Claus was turnin’ blue.

 

Montanny winters sure are cold,

They favor steely men right bold.

So Jake the skinner acted quick

To save those reindeer and Saint Nick.

 

The deer he quickly tucked away

Inside a stable filled with hay.

And by his fire he propped Saint Nick.

But things was lookin’ mighty sick

 

‘Cause Santy Claus was out of it.

His reindeer too, the whole durn kit!

Who now to take the gifts and toys

To all those wishful girls and boys?

 

Yes, Jake was in an awful fix!

He needed hope like magic tricks

To find a way to save the night

And get old Santy’s sleigh in flight.

 

A thinkin’ some, Jake shook Saint Nick

To see if Santy had a trick

To help him on his new-found quest.

Yet, Santy didn’t look his best.

 

But all at once, in Santy’s hand,

Appeared a bag of northern brand.

And on it words, “Pure magic dust”,

Jake knew right then this was a must.

 

For in the back, a stable stout,

Held eight old mules. They’d help him out!

Why, mules could fly, with magic dust,

And Jake had earned their life-long trust.

 

So in a flash, out back he flew

To coax his mules that job to do.

No purdy names his mules they had

‘Cause Jake’s old mules was mostly bad.

 

As Patch, and Bob the oldest two,

Why any livin’ thing they’d chew.

They’d tear a chunk from hide or hair

And once they whupped a grizzly bear!

 

While Mike and ornery, nasty Bing

Would kick their hooves at anything.

A dancin’ girl once flitted past--

They’d launched her with a hammered blast.

 

And Patch, who had a taste for beer,

Had once romanced a lonesome steer . . .

Old Sam possessed a nasty mood

He used to pitch off any dude.

 

But Jack was just an ornery sort

Four barrels wide, and awful short.

Now Jenny, she was sort of cute

To skinner Jack, that old galoot.

 

So Jack approached his fractious crew

And let them know just what he’d do

By cussin’ loud, with swears and such,

If troubled times they’d give him much.

Then findin’ harness, tack and kit

Jake started singin’ songs a bit.

‘Cause every skinner oughter know

Some western tunes to start the show.

 

His mules perked up, their ears they cocked

And on their heels they gently rocked,

For singin’ soothes the savage beast

Or calms it down, a bit, at least.

 

So Jake commenced to sing a song,

It wasn’t loud or awful long,

But just a shorter sort of thing

That Jake dreamt up that night to sing.

 

“Yippy ki-yi-yippee, ki-yippee ki-yew

My home’s in Montanny, the gold is here too,

Yippy ki-yi-yippy, ki-yippy ki-yay

My home’s in Montanny but Santy I’ll play.

 

Yippy ki-yi-yippee, ki-yippee ki-yee

My home’s in Montanny, but Santy I’ll be.

Yippy ki yi yippee, ki yippee ki yew

My home’s in Montanny, but this job I’ll do.”

 

Then Jake began to sprinkle dust

A needful thing, a surest must!

Them mules, their eyes grew mighty wide

As wings they sprouted on each side.

 

Like Pegasus they rose right quick.

That magic dust worked mighty slick.

Alarmed, Jake staked them to the trees

To stop them flyin’ off like bees!

 

Yet on the ground lay Santy’s sled,

All bent and lookin’ awful dead.

But magic dust is right strong stuff.

A pinch or two was just enough

 

To perk that sleigh and make it shine.

Now Santys ride was lookin’ fine!

The toys were scattered in the woods,

But Jake corralled them kiddy’s goods.

 

He stuffed them back in Santys pack,

That Christmas Eve all dark and black.

Off to his shack Jake softly trod

Where Santy gave his head a nod

 

To give permission to old Jake

On Christmas Eve those toys to take.

A buff’ler robe Jake swiftly found

And wrapped it tightly all around.

 

Then up he climbed into that sleigh

With mules hitched up to fly away.

Those brutes of his looked mighty calm

That magic dust, a healin’ balm.

 

The storm abated at that time,

And to the sky that sleigh did climb.

Without a hitch of any sort,

Jake cleared the walls of Benton’s fort.

 

Well Jake sure made old Santy’s run

On Christmas Eve, and it was fun

A slidin’ down those chimleys black

While freightin’ Santy’s goody pack.

 

He stuffed the socks and left the toys

For all those hopeful girls and boys.

He snarfed the milk and cookies too.

And sometimes sampled stiffer brew

 

Left out for him by kinder souls

With Cheery Christmas warm-up goals.

A snort or two, but nothin’ long,

For Jake, his fear was mighty strong

 

If Forty Rod too much he sipped,

Old Santys sleigh might just get flipped!

And that would prove an awful thing

On Christmas Eve with gifts to bring.

 

At last, no more, his job was done.

Jake finished off his Christmas run

By touching down old Santy’s sleigh.

Of course, he put his mules away.

 

Back to his cabin Jakey crept

Where by the fire old Santy slept.

So off to bed went skinner Jake

‘Til Christmas morn he came awake.

 

But Nick was gone, his reindeer too!

So Jake got feelin’ mighty blue.

Yet, on his wall he found a note,

And if I may, I’ll share a quote:

 

“To skinner Jake, my truest friend,

Old Santy Claus some help will lend.

When Winter snows melt fast away

Head out to Alder Gulch to play.

 

The rush won’t start ‘till ‘63

The first to stake you’ll surely be.

The map I’ve drawn will get you there.

I figure that should make us square.”

 

Jake found the spot without a hitch.

The strike he made was filthy rich,

And his good fortune was because

He’d helped out dear old Santy Claus.

 

-1862, the year before the bonanza gold rush to Alder Gulch, Montana

-Muleteer, person working with and caring for a string of mules for hauling freight

-Skinner, slang for muleteer

-Fort Benton, Montana, established in 1846 as a fur-trading post, then became an important transportation center for river traffic supplying the gold rushes and commerce

-Montanny, cowboy slang for the territory

-Forty Rod was slang for cheap, strong whiskey

-Tack, harness and reins, etc. for mules

-Kit, items and belongings

-Pegasus is the mythical, winged, divine stallion of mythology

-Buffl’er, slang for buffalo

-Alder Gulch, Montana, home to a massive gold strike in 1863

-Songs were sung to the huge cattle herds on the plains at night to calm the animals to help prevent stampedes; a variation of an cowboy song is included.

 

Lanny

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Onlyme]

Lanny this was an epic poem of interesting, fun and sheer delight.

[Lanny]

Dawn, many thanks and I'm glad you experienced some fun while reading it.