#Fatherhood

#Fatherhood

A Poem by LawrenceRaybon
"

A poetic tweet about being a father.

"

One Hundred Forty Characters

To express my joy

At finding out I will be a dad


Sixty-two left

To explore my fear

At realizing what that means

© 2014 LawrenceRaybon


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Featured Review

This is actually really good -- this, being my first comment on Writers Cafe, should serve as a compliment. This is the first poem I've read on this site that I feel is actually well written. Not that my comments are anything of value, I'm just exceptionally hard to please, and this poem is the first that has prompted my desire to comment. :)

One thing though: did you intend to write "A Hundred Forty"? Grammatically, this is a fault -- it should be "One-hundred-forty characters", or, "A/one hundred AND forty characters". I believe that to be correct, however correct me if I'm wrong. I know artistic liberty is quite real, however it doesn't sound quite right the way it's currently worded.

I've always love subtlety as a poetic device, and this uses it quite, quite well. I enjoy the modern take, as well.

Kudos, friend. Also, congratulations. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

LawrenceRaybon

6 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words! I did purposely use 'A Hundred Forty...' even though I realize it's .. read more
Ethan Lewis

6 Years Ago

I think there is far greater liberty with punctuation, in poetry, than there is for word selection. .. read more



Reviews

Having only so many words to work with, I think you did a slendid job of conveying your joy and your fear. I think it is much more difficult to fully express your emotions and intent in a short poem. My hat is off to you!

Posted 6 Years Ago


This is actually really good -- this, being my first comment on Writers Cafe, should serve as a compliment. This is the first poem I've read on this site that I feel is actually well written. Not that my comments are anything of value, I'm just exceptionally hard to please, and this poem is the first that has prompted my desire to comment. :)

One thing though: did you intend to write "A Hundred Forty"? Grammatically, this is a fault -- it should be "One-hundred-forty characters", or, "A/one hundred AND forty characters". I believe that to be correct, however correct me if I'm wrong. I know artistic liberty is quite real, however it doesn't sound quite right the way it's currently worded.

I've always love subtlety as a poetic device, and this uses it quite, quite well. I enjoy the modern take, as well.

Kudos, friend. Also, congratulations. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

LawrenceRaybon

6 Years Ago

Thank you for your kind words! I did purposely use 'A Hundred Forty...' even though I realize it's .. read more
Ethan Lewis

6 Years Ago

I think there is far greater liberty with punctuation, in poetry, than there is for word selection. .. read more
Very good. Babies are so cute. :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


And now that I've tripped and didn't realize it was supposed to be a tweet...Now I understand...BUT all in the same..You know you can't express anything through a Tweet LoL

Posted 6 Years Ago


LawrenceRaybon

6 Years Ago

"You know you can't express anything through a Tweet," and you hit the nail on the head! Twitter an.. read more
Matt Thomas

6 Years Ago

I understand that now...Twitter is fun if you are a huge fan of somebody or are just addicted to cel.. read more
Another short but I must say it is a head scratcher...I understand your going through the steps of fatherhood...I am the proud father of five children...So I know the feelings of being one...The confusion comes in the numbers of characters...If you can flip those numbers of characters into more powerful words about being a father it would be just as good as your Colors poem..I see your potential Lawrence..and after reviewing SO many poems and shorts...You can do So So SOO much better.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I love your wording and the meaning of the poem! Well done.

Posted 6 Years Ago


LawrenceRaybon

6 Years Ago

Thanks! I actually wrote this as a experiment in Twitter Specific poetry before I found out I was g.. read more

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326 Views
6 Reviews
Rating
Added on April 9, 2014
Last Updated on April 13, 2014
Tags: Fatherhood, Child, Dad, Twitter

Author

LawrenceRaybon
LawrenceRaybon

Jackson, MS



About
Hi! I'm an avid reader who loves to write. I also love helping others who are serious about improving their writing! My critiques are in-depth and honest, no ego stroking and I expect the same wh.. more..

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