Kitten (Original)

A Cinquain for a contest

Kitten

Always playing

And so adorable

But in the end it will become

A Cat

Author's Note

A cinquain is a poem made of five lines with the following amounts of syllables on each line: 2, 4, 6, 8, 2. This is the original and after criticism I will post another updated version. So give me some constructive criticism please!

Reviews

[DaughterNature]

Ahahaha, I love the transformation at the end! The first line and the last 2 are perfect -- but the 2nd and 3rd lines just feel a little flat to me. I know it's hard to find power when you only have 4 syllables, but I'm sure you can find something more to put into those 2 lines.

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thanks! I'll think about what to do with lines 2 and 3!

[Shaheesta]

I love the poem perhaps work on the third line it just don't sit up with the rest of the work and rest all are good. This is an only healthy suggestion

[Moonie]

I ve never heard of a cinquain before . It definately sounds challenging. I like the tone of this poem. Everyone grows up.. that's the ultimate truth..
My only advice would be to change the 3rd line.

[Beccy]

The form is fine, but more importantly, (at least to me,) the message is sublime.

Much enjoyed.

Beccy.

[laRagazza]

Maybe some punctuation would help out the flow of if, especially the third line (though now that I'm looking at it again, punctuation in that line would be horrible so never mind, just a thought I guess).

[Roderick Blakeman]

You make the poor cat such a dreadful thing to turn into with this perfect cinquain. I am awaiting the Baby-sleeping-Man version :)

[Tennessee]

A nice way of saying innocence will grow up and out. Puppies become dogs and children become teenagers. Good kid, a simple way to say everything grows up and nothing can stay the same forever. Not bad kid.

[James Walpole]

Agree that the 2nd and 3rd seem a little flat, felt like it would make more sense as the journey if the kitten to cat aswell as playing, but jeez, thats alot to get in with the restrictions. Loved it anyway, the sentiment of the cat being like a boring kind of creature felt conveyed well (maybe the difference between kitten and cat could be better expressed in 2 and 3?) Great read anyway!

[Rita L. Sev]

Nothing wrong with cats, in my opinion... but a nice bit of whimsy here. "Always playing - and so adorable.." seems like a missed opportunity - stronger synonyms may punch these lines up a bit, though the syllable count will be the issue...