Out is in and In is out

Can I just leave everything?
Abandon everything around me
And even I completely?
I am surrounded by a sea of confusion.

Sleep, when you get me,
There is nothing I feel I can do.
I can sit and explore the sensations,
With no resistance but observation.

I feel like it is never going to end;
This battle between me and the "world";
More deeply between me and myself
In a field, I can recognise but not master.

I watch the sky as if it is a door out,
While there is nowhere to hide.
The loudness of my sigh calls me out
And tells me out is in and in is out.

Reviews

[JayG]

Twelve lines and only 2 lines are without "me" or "I." So this is you talking about you, whoch prompts the question: What's in it for the reader? Someone unknown is talking about how they feel because of unstated reasons.

How anxious are you to learn how I feel today? As much as the majority of people on the planet are wondering about your day.

My point? Poetry isn't about us. It's not a means of making people better informed on our life. Readerw don't want to hear about our emotions, they want us to stir theirs. As E. L. Doctorow puts it: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

And that's especially true of poetry. We don't tell the reader we cried, we work to make them weep. And that is a learned skill. In our school days, all those reports and essays were to perfect our nonfiction skills, because that's the kind of writing most employers need from us.

Not good news I know, but since no one tells us that in school, and we'll not address the problem we don't see as being one, I thought you might want to know.

The fix? I'd begin by downloading a copy of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. The lady is brilliant, and reading enjoyable.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

You might also want to roam the Shmoop Website. Log in as Student, and then use the mid-page button by the search window to select Poetry. They have lots of great poetry, analyzed in great depth to show how and why they worked.

Not what you were hoping for, I know, but maybe what you need to know.

Hang in there and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Lawryie Mh-Lk]

Indeed, I know nothing about poetry. I'm not a pro of this exercise just a beginner writing down whatever comes to her mind. and worse, I am not a native English speaker.

Hopefully, it is not always about me when I write but what I can observe from others. I'll keep that kind of writing for myself or express those states of being different so that it sounds very general and not about me, myself, and I.
And I reassure you, it's not to make anyone weep, it's not necessary as I don't do so myself.

Thanks for your advice and I'll look for the references you mentioned. And I am sure I'll find good tips to be better at this exercise.

Thanks again.