Hansel And Gretel Rap

The witch defends her position.

I don't care what you think, what lies you've been told,.
I am no "wicked witch", I've got a heart of gold.
I'm not some psycho waiting for kids in the forest
When it comes to cannibalism and crime, I am the poorest.

Sure I have a candy house, alluring to any kid,
But I live deep in the forest, cuz from them I want to be hid.
One more thing before I start, I'm not any kind of witch
I'm simply an ugly woman, now I'll sell you my story's pitch.

When it happened, I was in my kitchen making candy canes,
Then along came the two little kids, the greedy, bratty, pains.
Without asking they took a bite of my wall's frosting hold,
By their mothers were they taught manners, or were they never told

Consumed my Rolo roofing, Skittles path and chocolate wall,
Plowed through my pocky ceiling, ate my Snickers bar ten feet tall
Engulfed my candy statues, my chocolate fountain and dinner set
I was wishin'  it was over, but of course it wasn't done yet.
 
I tried to cook more sweets to rebuild my candy throne
While the way those kids were eating they were engraving their own tombstone
I reached into the oven to check on my pie's crusting hold,
Then soon after, I'm sad to say, I wasn't exactly cold.

The fat a*s pushed me into the oven and slammed the door hard shut
I screamed for release, but I could only see the boys fat butt
The portly terrors ran off with my money, yes my bag filled with gold,
What I was gonna do with that money, that story has never been told.

I send candy-grams to the orphans, and give food to the needy,
My gold purse is always open to whoever isn't greedy.
What do you think of that you stupid Hansel and Gretel,
In the lives of others you should have been taught not to mettle.

I bet you feel real great having millions of kids on your side,
Even though you took my reputation, I still have my pride.
If anyone is looking for evidence to my story's truth
Just look at those kid's cavities, stuck to every tooth.

Reviews

[Judy Ponceby]

Ha! What a great fun spin on an old classic. Very amusing and well thought out :)