An Unusual Sword Fight

It came to me in a dream.

Following the dark ages, royalty reestablished their dominance within societies.  As the years passed elitist arrogance was the folly of many men who would try their ill conceived prowess against lesser souls.

Rules and acceptable behaviors had not yet been fully determined and misunderstandings were the norm.

In one such incident a lowly guard cast his eyes upon the charms of a lady within the house of Devon shire.  The Duke a rather pesky sort, thought himself the better man and commanded the guard to ready his arms. The guard being at post was at the ready immediately.

The clumsy Duke first had to remove his tall conical cap that made him appear taller and far superior to all his clansmen.  Next his constraining robe had to be formally disrobed by the squire who was busy polishing the Dukes other boots.  Eventually, after much ado the Duke was ready to slay the offending barbarian.

Now as you can imagine the guard was a rather large bruiser with a chiseled chin and two large scimitars in either hand. Well trained for fighting his glare was menacing to a more respectful man.  The Duke, however filled with unfounded superiority charged the guard.

The venue of the battle was soon pushed back by the guard into the royal assembly.  There in front of royalty and wipers of the royal a*s the confrontation would continue.  At first the sight of combatants within the chamber was cause for shock and awe. The floor was polished alabaster. The columns marble and the walls woven silk tapestry. 

The poorly skilled Duke made a thrust toward the guard, only to have his gullet ripped open. The guard with scissor action removed the Dukes arm. The duke collapsed upon a white sacrificial table located in the center. Like a well honed sushi chef,  within three seconds all limbs were removed.

The guard slipped his weapons under the torso of the almost dead duke and with spatula action flipped him like an egg, just before taking his final blow and removing the head of the not so popular duke.

The voyeurs of this horrific event became terrified as they then realized the vulnerabilities of the situation. To discourage further attacks upon their persons, they fawned applause and cheers. The guard was given a promotion and the concubine of his choice for his heroic actions.

The next morning they found the sexually satisfied beast poisoned to death with the Duchess pinned under his dead  weight.