Love Drug Addiction

love is probably the most powerful drug there is. It gives you the greatest highs but the worst lows.

You take the first hit and you’re hooked.

You crave,

You long for,

You desire.

The high is a rush.

A rush of all things great,

Comfort, security,

The feeling of belonging.

With this high, the need grows,

You can’t get enough.

The more you get,

The more you want.

You’re addicted.

Then, an addict's worst nightmare.

The high weakens.

With each hit, you feel less

Of what it used to bring

Less of the comfort,

Less of the security,

Less of the feeling of belonging.

Less of you.

No one told you,

The drug’s withdrawal

was stronger

Then its high.

They may have told you

To be careful,

But everyone

Says that.

The media

Glorified the drug.

Religion

Normalized the drug.

They made it seem

Like the drug

Was needed in your life.

But somehow,

Here you are,

Hurt

And in pain.

For a drug

That once brought sunny days

now,

Only brings the rain.

If I’m being honest,

This won’t be your last time using.

There will come another day

When the longing overcomes the pain.

The drug will be

All you can think of.

It’s not your fault, everybody’s hooked

On the drug that we call love.

Author's Note

this was the first draft after getting over a breakup. I normally am not one for poetry but what do you think of the context? Feel free to leave harsh commentary. As a journalism student, I am looking for all the writing critique possible.

Reviews

[Sachi Ruaya]

I'll present to you a small review:

I honestly loved how I can relate and the link you put from love and drugs.

"You take the first hit and you’re hooked.
You crave,
You long for,
You desire"

The first stanza doesn't tell the reader the context but invites the reader to bring in their own background and experiences as the context. This is a unique way of presenting context.

But the poem seems a bit too dry. You are directly telling the reader. Yes, the reader gets it. Love is a drug. But there is not much emotional impact or a concise mood/atmosphere determinant.

Maybe you can start off with descriptive language (e.g. metaphors, similes, adjectives) that describe to the reader what both the narrator and "you". You rely too much on the reader's own context you drift off. You only indicate will mere words that tell.

But what is the narrator feeling? What is the narrator's role? In this case, the narrator needs context too.

Also, I suggest reading other people's poems a bit more to develop your own style. You seem a bit strict. Remember, it your art.

[Lexi]

thank you for the critique! I am definitely going to use it to work on developing my writing

[Coyote Poetry]

Love is a good need. Won't kill you. May make you want death.
"The drug will be
All you can think of.
It’s not your fault, everybody’s hooked
On the drug that we call love. "
I did like the above lines. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[JayG]

Poetry is, in many ways, what opera is to musical theater, in paring down to the essentials and nearly using a shorthand, as against grand exposition. But to be effective it needs to be relevant, and in and of itself, interesting, and something the reader won't have thought of themselves—at least not in that way.

In this, you're facing two problems. First, is that it's a subject that every reader will probably have experienced, and come as no surprise. So with that not carrying the poem something is needed that your background in journalism has not only not prepared you for, it's made the job more difficult: evocative and beautifully expressed thoughts, as against concise accuracy.

Look at your background. In your public education phase of schooling you learned to write in a fact-based and author-centric way, which is what most employers require, and is dedicated to informing the reader. The name for that kind of writing is nonfiction. And because you continued into journalism, which has giving an informative experience to the reader as its primary goal, you've been working hard to strengthen those techniques till they feel intuitive and natural.

But why do people read poetry, and fiction? To achieve an emotional experience. They don't want to KNOW, they want to be emotionally manipulated. So they're seeking writing that is character-centric and emotion-based. In a horror story we aren't seeking to know the protagonist feels terror, we want them to terrorize US, and make US afraid to turn out the lights.

So while your reader may be nodding and saying, "That's true," you really want them to feel sad over the loss of that romantic high, and hopefully, say, "Damn, I wish I could put it that well."

I'd suggest a read of the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It's slanted toward structured poetry, but what he has to say about the flow of words has direct application to your chosen field, and any poems you might write.

Hope this helps.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/