Going to the Bank

Two roommates, T and E, agree to go to the bank to withdraw cash to pay for a new TV. T wants to send E, but E doesn't know how to go to the bank, so T tries to explain, it ends up badly.

1:25 AM, Humor Theatre, unspecified location, 2,500 attendants.

The stage opens, showing two young adults in a living room with red walls, ornate furniture, and a stairwell to the far left. Both are sitting on one sofa in the center. A round of applause.

T: Hey, E, listen, I found something we can buy on eBay.

E: Is it a new parrot cage?

T: No. We don't even have a parrot.

E: What about Sydney? She said she'll bring a parrot!

T: She already said it was a joke.

E: Okay, so what is this thing you're planning to buy?

T: Well, I've been thinking we can sell this old junk behind us and get us a nice flatscreen TV.

E: Do we have the cash?

T: No, but--

E: Then there's no point in going.

T: First, let me---

E: Why should we struggle through daily life just to earn some couple dollars to buy a TV?

T: Can I---

E: Why can't life be so simple?

T: E, let me---

E: It always has to be this and this and that. 'get a job, get a job'.

T: E!!

E: What?

T: We do have enough money in the bank!

A slight pause.

E: ... Then why didn't you tell me before I said this entire thing?

T: You kept cutting me off, you buffoon.

E: It's not my fault.

T: How is it not your fau--- You know what? Okay, just listen. We have enough money in the bank.

E: So let's go there?

T: Yes, but I think it would be better off if YOU go.

E: Why me?

T: Well, first, you never really go out that much, and you don't have a girlfriend.

E: I do!

T: Since when?

E: Since the day I moved here?

T: Really? Who's the unlucky girl?

E: It's not a girl.

T: ...Are you telling me--

E: It's chicken.

T: Chicken cannot be your girlfriend.

E: I eat it.

T: Just because you eat it doesn't mean it's your girlfriend. It has to be human.

E: But it's something you can eat, right?

T: You know, I think you're sometimes like a cannibal.

E: You mean a cabbage?

A laugh from the crowd.

T: ...Whatever, just... Here, have the card.

E: Um... T.

T: Yes?

E: I don't know what to say when I go to the bank.

T: Alright, let me tell you what to do.

E: Right ahead.

T and E stand up. T gives E a bank card.

T: Alright, here's what you do. You're going to the bank, right across the street.

E: Okay?

T: Then you're going to find the ATM. There will be a camera there.

E: Okay.

T: You're gonna look at the camera with a normal face and wait for it to take a picture.

E: And then I'm done?

T: No. Then you're going to put that card in the slot.

E: What slot?

T: The slot in the ATM.

E: But isn't ATM going to be angry?

T: ...An electric machine cannot be angry at you.

E: Yes it can! It's a human!

T: It's not.

E: Yes it is.

T: How?

E: Explain how the cash is given to you right away and you have this big screen that says English in it.

T: ...It's programmed.

E: You just hate humans.

T: I'm talking to a human right now.

E: ...Whatever, just tell me what to do next.

T: Fine, after you put the card in the slot, press withdraw cash.

E: But isn't ATM going to be angry?

T: Why would he be angry for god's sakes?

E: I'm taking  away his money.

T: What do you think ATM stands for?

long pause.

E: Angry Traffic Man?

Author's Note

Just a start here at being funny. I certainly hope that if it wasn't funny, at least the last gave you a smile.