The King

The boys went for the throne and was made a fool

There was a boy with curly red hair a angelic face sprinkled with freckles who's doe eyes looked like brownies the boys name was Ivan and he had a identical twin name Mark now the boys again looked exactly a like and yearned to find away to find individuality. One day while playing the boys found a giant dirt mound eight feet tall that looked like a red slab of untouched stone yet it was slick for it had rained the day before and the sun had not dryer the slab yet the boys who are only ten years of age looked at the mound in amazement and both had the same thought they wanted to be king of the mound. Ivan looked to his brother and said I bet you all my toys I can beat you to the top the boys smiled and started to climb the mound but with it being wet Ivan and Mark soon got muddy and dirty and scratched up by the twigs and rocks under the mud yet neither boy gave up and soon the got to the top Ivan's curls covered in mud and nose and right eye scratched from the twigs witch mixed in the dry mud on his face making a tint of burgundy on his right cheek and Marks hair was untouched yet his bottom lips was busted which was a dried on top on the caked of the mud on his face the boys now looked totally different from one another the smiled and Ivan asked "who won ?" Neither had to answer for then a small figure appeared with a long braid of red hair tall like a statue but still a lovely figure who spoke with a elegance touch "Boys it's dinner time" the boys smiled for Ivan had the same thought "mom wins" and they slide down the mound of course getting more filthy by the second their mother grabbed them when they came to the ground "what were you thinking ?you are filthy !" Ivan spoke for e was the bravest " we wanted to see who was to get on top of the mound and be king of the mound " the mother was of course dragging them to the house to wash them " well who won" she demanded as the stepped on the porch of their home Ivan smiled "you did " the mother had them in the bath already and began to wash the filth away "how is that?" Now Mark spoke for he was the cleverest out of the twins "because you gave birth to twin kings." The mother laughed and hugged the boys as they wrapped themselves in towels and said "well my kings it's time for bed"

Reviews

[song writer]

This is the second story of yours that I have read I just wanted to say that so far you have really vivid character descriptions. It makes me as a reader see the characters more easily.

[Kamari's]

Thank you I have reviewed your work it's nicely written and the stories are wrote with great dedication

[C. Rose]

Clever twist at the end of the mother winning.

Try expanding this story by not allowing telling. Don't tell me that the boys want individuality - show me with a scene of a mutual friend or schoolmate mixing them up.

Break into paragraphs. (Especially when a character speaks).

A few grammar leaks "for (h)e was the bravest", "a(n) angelic".

Expand through showing will let other's see the little world you have created. It is worth taking the time.

[Kamari's]

I am glad you liked it and I understand we're you are coming from maybe I shouldn't say what story means when that is the readers job I have other pieces and welcome you to read them and give me your honest opinion