The Spy

She has to escape!

She saw the creepy guy with the white beard standing there under the dimly lit street light. She was five stories high, but could easily see the distinctively trimmed beard from her apartment window. Carmen had first noticed the mystery man three nights ago, standing there watching the building where she lived.

Last night, he had slipped up and she had been able to follow him for a distance. When she saw him talking to the Russians, she knew she had to escape as soon as possible.

Since signing on with the agency five years ago, she had practically lived out of a suitcase and on the run. But this had been her last mission and she knew if she could get out of the city undetected, she would be home free. She would be able to raise her daughter in safety.

Carmen had her bag ready to go. Inside were new passports for herself and her daughter, as well as a change of clothes and a few basic essentials. As she put on the outfit she was hoping would get her past the Russians, she burned the hair dye box in the bathroom sink. She didn’t want them to know she had dyed her hair a dark brown. Her disguise was as a street hooker, so she was glad she was able to run in heels.

She was dressed and ready to go. Her handgun, equipped with a silencer, was by her bag on the bed. The silencer would guarantee neighbors would not hear any shooting. She heard the floor squeak outside the apartment door. Grabbing her gun, she hid in the bathroom. Three bulky Russians busted through the door, guns ready to fire. One, two, three; she popped them off one by one. But none of the three was the bearded man from the street.

She checked the clip in her pistol, grabbed her bag and headed out the door. She was sure to lock it, just to deter anyone from opening it easily. Starting slowly down the stairs, she listened for any sound that would tell her the bearded man was coming up. Seeing him two flights down, she waited patiently until she had a clear shot and down he went.

Carmen ran; she ran as fast as she could. Down the stairs and out of the building, she ran for a few blocks. Finding a corner store, she went around back to the ladies room and glanced about. Seeing no one around, she went in. Changing quickly, she threw her hooker outfit into a nearby dumpster and walked casually away.

She had parked a car nearby when planning her escape. She got to the car and drove around for a little while, making sure she wasn’t being followed. When she was satisfied, she went and picked up her daughter and they headed to the airport.

Boarding the plane, she finally felt safe. She was relieved she would never again hear her code name Ladybird. 

Reviews

[Brenden Bow]

You've got a good sense of sentence-structure, and I love, love, love your writing style, but some of the parts felt impersonal and--I don't know--boring - I guess. Fret not for that is probably, this being a relatively short piece, mainly because I have virtually no sense of Carmen's personality.

Having gotten that out into the open, I would like to point out a lot of it, to me, felt rushed, hurried. Admittedly, you've got skill - a lot of it. But, you need to work on your execution. :3

[LindaLou]

I suppose I should have mentioned this was something I wrote for a college assignment. It had a limit of 500 words. We were given 5 words to make a story out of, my words were: passport, ladybird, beard, escape and shooting. I agree completely with your review, but I wanted to submit the story as it was. Thanks for reading! :)

[Aaron]

Action-packed. It started well. It kept the reader involved. It was definitely a fun read.

Stupid formatting thing. The text size makes it a little slow to read. My preference is slightly larger font.

It ended in a way that built a pyramid of questions about the importance of the character. Meaning, it makes me wonder if this is just the prologue to a thriller novel or something.

I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing.

[LindaLou]

Thanks for reading!