God has a plan

A Story by Linda marie

An ordinary persons not so ordinary life

Plan

You hear that phrase all the time. I even say it myself. But sometimes I wonder to myself when the plan actually reveals itself. How do you figure it out? How do you know you are on the right path? I know we figure it out through prayer and reading the Bible - but how do we REALLY know? Is it like a light bulb? Maybe.

My mom left when I was 3 years old. My sister was 2 years old. My dad was completely devastated. He did get remarried and they had 2 kids together - my brother and sister. So he had 4 kids and she had 2 kids from a previous marriage. She decided one day that she didn’t want to raise my sister and me and felt that we should go live with our mother. My dad said no and she told him that if he didn’t do that, she would take the kids and leave. He stood by his decision so she left. One night I remember my dad taking my sister and me to our aunts house and having us spend the night. Turns out he got a call that my brother had been taken to the hospital because he had unplugged a TV and put the cord in his mouth. My dad went to pick up my brother and sister. We lived in Indiana and they lived in Ohio. While we were at my aunts, she had to tell us that who we thought was our real mother actually was not.

So all 4 of us kids were back under the same roof. My brother and sister were too young to realize that they were even gone.

My dad would go on to marry 7 more times. In between step-moms, we had housekeepers. I have had countless step brothers and sisters ranging from deaf, mentally challenged, and even a set of twins. Ive had step-moms that were suicidal, drinkers, pill poppers and a couple that were actually okay. During the summers when my sister and I were younger, we went to our gandparents house in Illinois and stayed with them. My grandmother was a saint and my grandfather was the complete opposite. He was a drunk who cheated on my grandmother and thought it was okay to make passes at his granddaughters. I always managed to get away from him but my sister was not so lucky. I walked in on them one time when they were visiting us. We went and told my dad who did not believe use and actually whipped us for lying. He passed away 4 days before my 16th birthday and all I felt was relief. My sister carried her hatred of him and my father for most of her adult life.

I got married at 20 to get out of the house. He was a drunk partier and I left after 4 years. I went to Tennessee to stay with my birth mother and get to know her a little. I had only seen her a few times before that. I did get some history on her relationship with my dad and she passed away when I was 29. When she passed away, it was like losing an acquaintance. I got remarried to a man that, as it turns out, was bipolar and couldn’t hold a job. He came from a severely abusive background. We had 2 kids together and he was always flirting and coming onto other women. I got an opportunity to move to Ohio when the company I worked for was bought out. My then husband had to stay behind because he was in trouble for stealing. My middle son, Tyler, was in juvenile detention so he had to stay behind as well so it was just my youngest son Ryan, and me starting a new adventure. My dad as he got older went to live with my youngest sister and her husband in Texas until he passed away. After that, my sister and her husband separated and he moved back to Indianapolis where he was from. He was a great guy and we had remained friends. He was a true, true believer in Christ. He was murdered in 2013 by the jealous estranged husband of a lady he had been seeing. I met my now husband when I moved to Ohio and he is truly one of the best men I have ever met. He and my youngest son developed a great relationship and he views him as his father.

My sister went a little crazy for awhile and we lost touch for awhile. We reconnected in August of 2019 and my husband and I went to Indy to see her. We had a great time and I noticed a change in her, a peace I had never seen her have before. We made plans to visit over Thanksgiving. What I didn’t know was that this would be the last time I would see her. She passed away suddenly from a heart attack on October 12. My brother and sister used to say that she would tell them that she wouldn’t live past our moms age. Our mom was 58 when she died. So was my sister. My oldest son, David, went into the army when he was 19. He did 2 tours of Iraq and one of. Afghanistan. My youngest son, Ryan, went into the army when he was 18, did 4 years in Germany and got his GI bill. He now has his masters degree in excersize science and nutrition and just started the application for his PHD. My middle son, Tyler,, struggled with addiction for most of his adult life. He would steal from us, lie to us and get into trouble. When he was 23 or 24, we told him he either had to go to rehab or leave. This was after several detoxes and relapses. He left. Having son who is an addict is a nightmare in and of itself for a parent. He would couch surf or be homeless and live in abandoned houses. He told a friend of his one time that he and his “girlfriend “ lived in an abandoned house but had enough money to get hotel rooms for a week. But that was their drug money. For me, as I am sure with every parent, its countless sleepless nights, its never ending fear and worry. But I always stayed in touch with Tyler and helped him in any way I could. We talked all the time although some of them weren’t very pleasant conversations.

He had been through several rehabs, jail, etc. It’s a vicious cycle.

He went into a rehab center in Warren, Ohio and this is where he found his light. We went to se him a couple of times and you could see something changing in him. On the last visit we had with him when he was done with rehab, they had invited him to live in their sober house which is very special because there are a couple of them but to be invited to this one was an honor. So we paid for Tyler to move in there. Two days later while coming back from a job interview, he got arrested. The friend he was with had expired plates and they got pulled over. Tyler had an old warrant so they found it and arrested him and sent him back to Stark County. He was sentenced to SRCCC in Louisville, OH which is a jail / treatment facility. He was sentenced in April and got out July 31st. I picked him up when he got out and when he walked out, he opened his arms and looked up at the sun and said “freedom”. He then gave me a great big hug. The plan was to take him back to Warren so he could pick up where he left off. The first place he had to go was to see his parole officer. He was informed that he was going to be color coded and had to call in every night and if his color was called, he had to be there at 8am the next morning for a drug test. That put Warren out of the picture for the time being. It’s an hour away and if his color did get called, getting there would be a problem. But I told him God has a plan and we have to trust it. We went running around and had a great day. He said he was going to stay at a hotel in Canton that was pretty seedy. But its on the bus line and he could get around easily. I asked him if he wanted to stay with me and he said no. He said he had been around people for so long and non stop that he wanted some down time. I said okay as he is an adult and can make his own decisions. The next day he was supposed to come help us paint our living room. I texted him and he said he wasn’t feeling very well and was going to stay put. Later he said he was feeling better and had McDonalds. On Sunday, August 2nd, we got the call that Tyler had passed away. It was at 12:26pm. Tyler had bought a new backpack on Friday, had a new phone, shoes and clothes. He also had a new wallet, his debit cards and miscellaneous mail that he received while in jail. When the funeral home gave us his belongings, it was a small box with 3 pieces of mail. Everything else had been stolen. This was no surprise to me because this was the world Tyler lived in more often than not. He was cremated and is now home with me safe and sound. The grief is unbearable at times and the pain is worse than anything I have ever felt. I miss him and I loved that face so very much and wish I could have one more hug or hear his one liner sense of humor. He was so funny.

I have been reading my Bible more and I have done more praying than I have ever done in my entire life. I joined a Grief Share group. I still can’t talk about him without breaking down and my youngest son said that just may be how it is for me.

I know there are people in the world who have had it much worse than I can even imagine. I know my son is free. He has no more struggles, no more battles and no demon to fight. He can finally sleep. But I can’t. My mind works overtime when I lay down. I figure that will come.

Sooo....I know God has a plan for all of us and I know we don’t always know what it is. But dang, I wish I had some kind of clue. I feel directionless and I pray about that too. I don’t even know if I am following Gods plan or trying to make my own. Hopefully I will be on the path that He puts me on but if its a path of more heartache, then I guess I better armour up. Considering I just had the worst possible heartache that I could ever imagine, I’m sure everything else will pale in comparison. I do pray that God helps me with this pain. I pray that God helps all of us with our pain.

Tyler Stephen Gant. January 25, 1990 - August 2, 2020.