The Test

Girl suffering with an anxiety attack for the first time in front of her partner.

The tears keep forming in her eyes, a never ending water fall. I watch her, her body trembles. 
"This is it?" I think. 
"She is breaking. This is the test." I step closer hearing the whimpers barely escape her throat. 
"This is it “I say once more. 
She puts her knees up against her chest. Almost as if to stop the ache in her heart that seems to increase with every beat.
"I ... What...." I can't find the correct words. 
Her eyes, once wide full of insight, is now opening the true windows. 
The gate to the grey. To the dark. The one she had in the back all along. 
"Make it stop... Please... Make it stop" she says in this voice of agony that shakes me to the core. 
I fall to my knees in front of her. She's drained she's tired ... 
Her nails dig into her arm. Scratching so deep that if it was a board it would pierce the ears of one. 
She scratched about repetitively. Always going one way. Her skin gets redder and redder with each stroke. 
How? How can someone do this to one self and feel no pain. Become so numb and dead that self-inflicted pain feels like second nature? 
She keeps sobbing. Keeps shaking ... 
the blood starts to leak from the wounds she has created. I grab her hands 
"Stop" I say ... The first word I have been able to say. 
She shakes her head and cries looking in my eyes with such yearn "please take it away. The pain...the tears ... Everything" she can barely speak. 
I hesitate unsure. Then I look into her eyes. I lay both of my hands on her cheek. And take it away. Take away the dark and remind her of the light. 
I kiss her lips softly ... Then with more urge. 
I kiss her with such passion to expose the love ... The care I have for her. Running my fingers in her hair my lips never part from hers. I kiss her, until she remembers ...nothing but good nothing but happiness. I kiss her until I can taste the bitter depression on my own lips. Letting it slip away from her. Letting her body slowly stop shaking. I pull away and look into her eyes. Her eyes are still wet but tears no longer form. 
She is speechless. Breathless 
"Now do something for me..." I say to her still having her close. 
She just stares, waiting for the request. 
"Kiss me" I tell her ... "Like you... Truly want to be loved" 
And with those words. She kissed me. Showing me ... That she wanted to be love.

Author's Note

I have depression and anxiety, so me finding my fiance was a very big surprise and fear. I did not think he would accept me for who I was but he did. No matter how much you describe how having depression is or a anxiety attack feels, it is always different when you actually have a mental break down. So the first time I had an anxiety attack in front of him, his reaction showed me that he cared. He did not look scared, he looked worried for me but he never left my side. I think any one suffering from the same thing deserves the same treatment.