A Tunnel Lies Ahead

This poem has a definite message. Let me know what you think. I'm still tweaking.

When does satisfaction come?

The feeling of finite searching,

Satiated by tribulation,

Effort outweighs the light.

Tunneling through brick,

Until brick becomes the lusted...

Or maybe keep alive,

Persistence grinding dust.

Gray becoming tawny,

Amber becoming gold.

Take a photo of that burrow,

Shutter from the cold.

When dust houses in tunnels suffice,

Look to brick built in golden light,

With photo trials to humble.

Your gold is green,

Her light shines black.

Don't widen another's,

But narrowly pass.

It's there on a head,

Above hairy happenstance.

Sneeze away dust unoccupied,

Close your eyes and grit your teeth,

But carry those blocks in tow.

Shoe by shoe,

And drink your gold,

Sip by satisfaction.

One eye to the back.

A tunnel lies ahead.

Reviews

[Markymark]

Hi Lindsay,

Well I wish I could find the elusive thread of coherence in this piece, but sadly I cannot. Perhaps after coffee, I will revisit it. This one is a tad too abstract for the simple minded like myself, but I'm sure others will figure it out and comment. I do get the sense of toil and drudgery in attempting achievement, and a long hard metaphor of digging, tunneling toward gold (job?). Perhaps it's your graduate work, and thesis time. I'd love for you to let me in on it.

Mark

[Amit Parmessur]

Just browsing your works. One of my favorite poems from you. Keep on the work...
Best words:

Your gold is green,
Her light shines black.
Don't widen another's,
But narrowly pass.
It's there on a head,

[Alex Zynder]

to me this poem comes across in the end, as strangely hopeful, but stays with the tone of the poem completely

[Antonio Valentino]

Your footing is solid Lindsay, this was fabulous. For me, the more abstract, the better. Make em work a little if they want to know the writer's true meaning. Or better yet, their own.

Loved this!
Antonio

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I read the reviews before and will say sure it might seem cryptic but isn't poetry about interpretation, I read it 3 times to delve into a meaning and that I like cause it made me think... in the end I must say first off love the creativity here and what I finally take away from this is that sometimes not all is as it seems and when you think something is bad it turns out to be a blessing.

[Bella-Marie]

I agree with the reviews before mine. It is very cryptic, and hard to understand, but I still like the way all your sentences flow easily and how they fit together like a jigsaw puzzle. So, your structure is excellent, but the poem itself needs some work. :)
Good job, anyhow.

[Lindsay]

This piece seems a bit more abstract, but actually has a central meaning. It's about asking yourself what satisfaction means and whether or not to accept your current position as "good enough" for you. The line "tunneling through brick, until brick becomes the lusted" explains this. But those who keep on start to see the light at the end of the tunnel ("gray becoming tawny, amber becoming gold"). Gold represents that which each individual strives for, which is different for every one ("your gold is green, her ligt shines black"). The line "sneeze away dust unoccupied" is about clearing a path for yourself on your way to greater things, but not disturbing others who have decided to settle for a life in the "dust."

There is also some word-play which is italicized. I decided to try it out and will probably include it in the future, as well.

Thanks for sticking with me, my friends, as I find my footing in the world of poetry!