Her

The conflict of loving someone of another preference...and hiding what is considered a sin from the world...

She seems so beautiful to me,

But no one else can see,

This glow deep inside of her,

Waiting to be free.

 

Her smile seems to shine for me;

Her eyes seem to grin,

But I'll never capture,

The soul that lies therein.

 

She is by his side daily,

Oblivious to my pain.

It's hard to keep my feelings hidden,

When my tears pour down like rain.

 

My heart is dark with mourning,

Yet still her smiles go on.

I'm not even sure,

If she'll miss me when I'm gone.

 

She laughs with me always,

And her hugs remain so warm.

Yet still she returns to him,

As my thoughts begin to swarm.

 

I dream about her every night,

And sometimes in the day.

All these guilty thoughts that plague me,

Just won't go away.

 

I refuse to ruin her happiness;

I refuse to make her cry,

But every time I look at her,

I just can't help but sigh.

 

They say my love is forbidden,

But I can't make it go away.

So, I'll say, "I'm not in love,"

Like an actor in a play.

 

I'll ignore the way she looks at him,

The way she'll never look at me,

And the hurt that hides within my eyes,

I hope she'll never see.

 

I hope he'll take good care of her,

And never make her cry,

For no tear should ever grace,

My love's beautiful eyes.

Reviews

[alesuriko]

A beautifully written, emotional, unrequited love poem. I adore the emotion in this and so many people can relate to this kind of love. Crushes on (or love for) your best friends... I know how that feels and I know some of my friends who've felt that way for me. It's heart-breaking when you or they don't feel the same. You really expressed these emotions thoroughly and your description/detail is great.

Just some criticism... in the third stanza, first line, the "daily" throws off the flow a little bit. Also in the sixth stanza, last line, "Just won't go away" doesn't really seem to fit the natural rhythm either. It also doesn't help that you use "just" again in the very next stanza. A word like "just" should be used sparingly. In the following line "ruin" also seems to disrupt the flow a bit, maybe a one syllable word would fit better? There are also some other places where your rhythm falters but they aren't entirely noticeable.

Otherwise, your rhyme is great and the content is fantastic. Great poem!

[Britt Foster]

Very nicely done.
Very beautiful, very real.
There are a few words that throw off the flow a bit, like Arra stated, but other than that I have no other suggestions for improvement.

Lovely poem. Keep up the great work! :]