Enoshima

If I think about him it makes me sad. There was a brief window of closeness...We watched the fireflies, after all.
Sometimes you don't know why things stop flowing. I was never bored with him; I was never in love with him. It was easy, calm, and he was a gentleman. Sometimes I wonder if it's all the meds, you stop caring about people as much. I read about it online, how antidepressants can mess with attraction and libido. He used to say he wanted me...
Maybe I want what I can't have, and his distance makes me miss him. We were dream talkers, always making grand plans of things we would do, like scuba diving, going to the ocean, specifically Enoshima. I'm in love with Enoshima, though I've never been there, I don't know why.
He told me he walked all the way there one day when work got to be too much, just dropped his phone, walked out the office door and didn't stop til he was there drunk by water. It took him hours and hours, and he stayed there three days. I'm jealous secretly, because so many times I wished I could've done that, but I was too aware of how people would see me, and of leaving obligations. I'm in love with a place at his expense. I liked him because he was fragile like me, but so tall, and so stoic.
I thought of him in Berlin, more than anyone else, mainly because of the art on the Berlin Wall and how I wanted him to see it. I thought of him more than the wall, or the bread, but I did think of bread and gained 6 pounds.
All this time I was, and am, still in love with someone else -madly- so much so, I don't deserve to think about him and why he stopped asking to see me. He was always straightforward, and not as shy as he acts around people at work. He said things plainly without hidden agenda. He was kind and generous.
I want him now, plainly and without hidden agenda.
I always think that being in love has to be wild, and mad, maybe I don't know anything about love. I don't think we'll ever go to Enoshima together. Something always stopped us, mainly ourselves and being too unmotivated. When it came right down to it, we were too relaxed. This is not a crazy love. This is him and I.