Just grade this for me please.

A Story by Lo

I'm only in 7th grade but I need some criticism. Please grade this and tell me what to improve This is a story about a lesbian and her trans girlfriend, in a way.

I wake up in cold sweat, tears streaming down my face. “It’s just a dream,” The voice in my head tells me, “You’re safe here” I know that’s a lie but I push the thought to the back of my mind, and focus on today. December 14th, the calendar reads, a large cicle over the date and carefully carved in “x’s” on each day leading up to it, in uniform lines like soldiers. I grab my phone, not bothering to even check it. Heading upstairs from my “humble abode” that is commonly called a basement, I overhear my parents discussing the news.

“Did you hear that there’s a war in Africa?” My mother pondered.

“Yes, of course I heard about it! It’s all over the news for crying out loud!” Snapped my father in his booming Austrailian accent.

I crept to the kitchen and grabbed the coin jar filled with mostly twenty dollar bills, Andrew Jackson’s serious, stone-cold face staring back at me. Without any more hesitation, I swiftly grabbed my worn tennis shoes and skateboard, and snuck out the door silently. I glide down the street, checking the correct address on my cell phone and seeing my skinny, sunken-eye form in the thrift shop window. Next thing I knew, I had arrived. My own little shack. Well, mine and Alex’s that is.

Life went on, and as soon as that, it was Thanksgiving day. My parents had invited us to dinner at my old home, and I was feeling antsy. They didn’t care that I left, but it’s rather suspicious when the two demons that kept you in a basement most of your life when there were two spare bedrooms invite you to dinner.

As soon as we step into the house, we are instantly circled by the two Dim-Witted Weasles who never upon a time called me their daughter. We hang our coats and are urged to sit at the table. Alex and I turn around and slowly walk over to the massive wooden chairs encircling an oversized dining table, and halfway there my partner stumbles, clutching their chest. Alex’s body crumpled to the floor. I rush to their prone body and gape at my parents. “WHY?” I shouted, heartbroken, desperate. “WHY WOULD YOU KILL THE ONLY ONE I EVER LOVED?” Advancing, I stabbed for the gun, desperate to end myself just as they ended Alex. My Mother casually handed over the weapon, and I held it to my pounding head saying, “Is this what you wanted? Your only daughter dead to your own gun?” A split second before my trembling finger pulled the trigger, I halted. I looked in every one of those wretched people’s eyes and saw not fear, but relief. Shaking, I pulled the trigger. BAM. I feel nothing, but my senses tell me that my head is bleeding, just above my right ear.

“You are not my daughter. You were always an unwanted child, since we adopted you from that agency eighteen years back. We never should have chosen YOU.”

I look around, and feel a tingling sensation run through my body. So this is what it’s like to die I think to myself. Then I think of Alex, of all the time we had spent together, all the careful plotting and planning, and how much time had gone to waste. I’m so sorry A. I’m just wishing I go to the same place they do.

It had been two minutes now, and I was getting antsy. Maybe I had hit skull? I try again. BAM. Another hole in my head, another tingle through my spine. I start to cry. I cry and shout like the pathetic woman I am. I beat my fists on the floor, the walls, and cry. Why isn’t it working? Why won’t the gods finally let me go? Two more bullets, two more tries. BAM. Tingle. Moan. BAM. Tingle. Sob. A howl escapes me, blood runs down my face, but I don’t notice. My parents are still standing there, fear freezing them to the spot. I don’t care. Let them be afraid. I tear out of the place I once called home and run. I run and run until I reach the railroad tracks. They’re remotely controlled, so the only thing hurt would be whatever this freight train was carting along. And me. I push the thought out of my mind and sit at the abandoned station. Waiting.

As I sit on the rusty, metal bench, I hear a small voice sigh, ”You too?”. I whip my head around and gape at a shy girl, who can’t be more than fourteen. She had blue eyes and freckles, like stars in a night sky. Her hair was up in a worn-out ponytail that was barely considered a ponytail, and not

“Hi! I’m Skylar, but my friends call me Sky.” The girl stated with about as much confidence as an introvert caught in a conversation.

“Uhm… hi Sky?” I stammer,

“I said my FRIENDS call me Sky” she snapped, turning her back to me and revealing a large scar on the back of her neck.

After a long, awkward pause, I ask, “Where’d you get that scar?”

“Nowhere” She quickly replied

Listening closely, I hear the faint roar of a freight train, coming in at about ninety miles per hour. I listen to the roar of the train and wonder; Why am I doing this? What good does this do to the situation? I look to my right at Skylar, and sense that she is pondering over the same thing. Then I realize that I care about Skylar. I’ve only just met her but she deserves to be here. She deserves to stay here and sit right here next to me, even if she sits here miserably, she and I will stubbornly sit here miserably together. I squint as bright headlights approach us, as a monstrous beast of a train comes roaring through the tracks. I look to my left and see Skylar, dashing towards the tracks. “NO!” I shout, racing after her “IT’S NOT WORTH IT STOP!” That made her turn. “Please,” I say as passionately as I possibly could, “Stop this madness.” Sky looks at me, sympathy in her icy blue eyes, and sobs. I rush toward her and catch her in my arms.

“Stop doing this. Please.” She peers up at me, and wordlessly buries her head into my shoulder.

“Sky please. Look at me.” Pausing, I lift her chin.

“It’s not worth it. You are a brilliant person, a brilliant mind. Plus, your pet will never know what happened to you.” She chuckles and pulls out two small lizards from her coat pocket.

“You sure about that?” She wiggles her eyebrows, and grabs my arm, a serious look on her face. I had rushed a hat on my head before I had come here, and it must’ve come off as I ran to stop her. Crud.

“Your head…” She stammered “How..? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Turns out I may or may not be immortal.” I chuckle, spinning Sky around and swooping up my hat. “Never mind that, let’s go get some coffee.”