A Final Goodbye

A Story by L.M

A short story I wrote when I was going through some hard times.

One bleak summers night a boy sat on his bed by the window staring up at the bare sky. He looked down at his hand clenched with fear and anger. He gently opened his hand to reveal a razor blade. A tear fell down his cheek onto the centre of his palm. He held the razor in his fingers and stared blankly down at his wrist. Another tear fell down his cheek. He put the blade down and grabbed his notepad. He began to write. “ I know you tried to help and I love you so much, this world just isn't for me. God knew I wasn't dying, but he knew I was bleeding. I guess the bleeding didn't stop in time and I bled out. I will always miss you and I will never forget you. I promise when I'm up there I will send down the purest of doves to watch over you and make sure you are safe. I tried to cope with everything but I couldn't keep up with it. I miss her too much to go on and all the bullying has put me on the edge of a drop I'm never coming back from. I tried to be happy. I just couldn't act happy when I never was. I'm sorry I'm leaving you like this. I didn't want it to end this way”.

He looked back down at his arm and began to run the blade across it. He dropped the blade down on the bed sheets and slowly the blood blossomed across the sheets. He looked up at his phone, opened Facebook and began to read.
“Kill yourself.”
“You're a waste of space.”
“Why do you even try?”
“Just give up. No one wants you here.”
“Your so gutless just kill yourself.”
The comments never stopped. He read them every night hoping things would get better but they never did. He only got more messages to end his own life. He began to type. “ Is this what you want? You've been asking for this for so long. You finally get what you wished for!”. He hit send and watched it load onto his profile then logged off. One of his friends saw the message and frantically called his parents hoping she wasn't too late. She tried contacting him but he didn't reply. She rushed over to his house hoping to get there in time.

Meanwhile he just sat there thinking of why he was made the way he was. He began to feel faint. His face went pale and he fell off his bed onto the cold, hard ground. The last thing he heard was the hushed thud of his head hitting the ground. The blood as dark as his thoughts flow across the floor. He could no longer feel a thing. He finally felt at peace.

His parents arrived home as quick as they could and rushed straight to his room. They stumbled down the hallway so anxious they couldn't feel their legs. His mother screamed out his name as she ran down the hallway. She opened the door to see her son just laying there. He was pale and his face was violently bare. She stood in shock. “Honey?” Said his Dad in fear as he come down the hallway. He saw the pool of blood and rushed into the room screaming pedantically at his wife to call the ambulance. She ran to the phone and dialled the number. When she got through they couldn't comprehend what she was trying say. She was screaming and crying. When they finally got her to calm down she only muttered two words over and over again “He's dead… He's dead… He's dead”. The paramedics arrived a short time after and began covering his wounds and performing CPR on the young boy. “There's no use” one of them whispered to the other. The other began to cry. He stood up and turned to the parents holding his hat in his hands. “I'm sorry. He didn't make it. His cuts were to severe and he bled out before we could do anything”.

The parents began to cry and the mother fell to her knees.

Later after the paramedics had taken his body away his mother walked into his room to see the note on the bed. She walked over to it holding back tears and began to read. She looked down to the bottom of the note and saw an old photo of her with her boy back when he was three. She cried and held her hand over her mouth. He had left the photo there to remind her of the happier times they had together. She stood up and walked out of the room silently and went to where the photo had been taken. She stood there just staring blankly at the vacant foreground in front of the trees. She walked back in and laid on her bed thinking of why he hadn’t told them of what he was going through. Down flew a dove and landed so regally on her window seal. She looked up, smiled and just admired its beauty. The dove flew off into the sky and a tear fell down her cheek. She wanted her boy to be back with them.

A month later as his mother and father were packing up and getting ready to move out. His mother walked into her sons old room holding back the tears one last time. She reached her hand under the bed and felt a prick on her finger. She jerked her hand out from under the bed and looked at it. She had been cut.

She looked under and saw a box. She pulled it out and to her disbelief she saw something she never thought she would have to see again. The box was full of blades. Used blades. She couldn't hold in the tears anymore. She choked up and couldn't speak. She poured them out on the bed and began to cry softly. There was almost enough to cover the entire bed. She looked back into the box and saw a note. She turned over the note and began to read. “If you found this it means I've given up. I can't handle the pain anymore, I can't handle the bullying anymore and I can't handle not being with her anymore. She meant everything to me and I was too stupid to realise. I guess now I've stopped trying to win her back.” His mother began to burst into tears as she read the last line “It was not a war I fought. A war implies that both sides have an equal chance. It was an execution. I never stood a chance.” She couldn't handle being in that room anymore. She ran out and fell into her husbands arms, tears streaming down her face. “Remember what he said honey. He is sending down the purest of doves to look after you. He promised remember. He's always going to be with us. When ever you see a dove you'll know he is watching over you and protecting you from above.” She wiped the tears away. “I know” she muttered, trying to be happy.

Later on that night as she as she lay in bed the dove came back and landed on the window seal again. She looked over as it sat there for no longer then ten seconds then flew away back into the dark night skies. A tear fell down her cheek once again but this time it was not a tear of sadness but a tear of love. At last, she knew he was at peace.

At his funeral she didn't cry. People asked her why she felt no pain and this is what she had to say. “Of course I am sad and of course I feel the pain. I will never forget my little boy. He meant the world to me. Not a day goes past that I don't think of him. But this pain he felt. It's not longer hurting him. He escaped the pain. He escaped the burden society had made him think was his fault. He did not hate this world because of me or his dad. No, he hated it because it hated him. He tried to fit in and I realised he couldn't. They pushed him to this. Now this burden is on them”
“Who's them?” One lady asked.
“Those kids who couldn't just keep to themselves my dear” She replied.
They stared at her trying to hold in their tears.

When it was her time to give a speech she told the rest of them what she had barely managed to tell the others without crying. When she was done a silence fell over them. No one knew what to say. She stared back at them looking blankly as she walked slowly back down the isle to her seat.

After the service a child came up to her, gave her a gift and ran over back to his parents. She opened it and inside was a ceramic dove. She ran to him distraught and in tears.
“Why did you give me this?” She asked trying to stop crying.
“Last week at school… He asked if I could give this to you. I asked him why he couldn't and all he said is that I'll know when it's time to give you the gift.” said the little boy as he held back tears..
She smiled and looked up into the crystal blue sky. “I love you” she whispered under her breath. “I’ll never forget you.”