Windows

Short Gothic story I wrote. Classic dark castle scene.

Eren walked through the corridor, keeping wary of the broken tables that littered the floor every fifteen feet or so. The only thing guiding him was the pale moonlight that penetrated the grime on the ancient windows.

As he turned a corner he came to a shorter corridor. This one seemed darker, colder. Every fiber in Eren’s body coiled, wanting to run and hide, but his mind was elsewhere. He stared, fixated, on the window at the end of the hall. It was the only window, as the corridor was pointed towards the heart of the great abandoned fortress, yet it shown with great intensity as if the sun itself were admiring it on the other side. It was a stained- glass window, full of vibrant color. A woman stood tall and slender, full of beauty as she looked down to her arms, where she cradled… Nothing. In her arms was a black void, a jagged hole in the glass. It was then that Eren was brought back to his senses, and realized that he, rather than being at the other end of the corridor, was now a mere ten feet away from this window. And now, looking at this window, his eyes slowly drifted upwards at the face of the mother. She now faced to the left, toward an opening into sheer darkness. Eren looked to the vast room, then back to the woman, only to find her once again looking at the black void in her arms. Eren walked into the room, his movements involuntary. The cavernous room must have been a ballroom of some sort. A shaft of moonlight poured through a crack in the high domed ceiling, barely illuminating the room enough to see the walls that ringed around it. As Eren squinted into the darkness, six more windows blazed to life ahead of him, bathing half of the place in a glorious golden light. These windows were fully intact, each one vibrant and full of color. Eren looked to the first one. A farmer and his wife stand in a field of dead crops. The next, the farmer pleading with a king. As he moved to the third window, his eye caught he very edge of the picture, where a dark figure stood to the far side of the king. The third picture showed the wife, now pregnant, standing beside her husband in a field of lively crops. The fourth showed the husband falling tragically ill, enveloped in shadows as his wife cried beside him. In the fifth, the farmers widow surrounded by doctors as she gives birth. Finally, the sixth window. Fear struck Eren as he looked at the familiar image. The mother stood tall and slender, as Eren looked upwards to her face. Rather than the beautiful, gentle face he had seen before, the face he saw now was haggard and grey, With messy grey locks of hair dangling wildly. Her face looked grim as she looked downward. Erens blood turned to ice as he followed her gaze. In her arms was, well, he didn’t know! What a horrifying creature it was! Its small arms ended in taloned three-fingered hands. Its body, was red, covered in strange black markings, like tribal tattoos. It had scaled, dog-like legs, ending in three distinct, clawed toes. Three tails snaked from behind it. No, not tails- Snakes. Three frilled basilisks, baring their fangs and spitting venom. But the most terrifying part was the head. It looked like a gargoyle, with rams horns beginning to grow on top. The eyes glowed yellow, the flesh around them looked as though it had been ripped off, revealing a black skull. It had no lips; again, the flesh seemed torn from it, constantly baring a fanged mouth. The jaw split in half, opening the mouth wide as the creature silently screamed. Eren slowly backed away, then turned to find a way out. He looked around. His eye caught the sliver of moonlight that shown on the wall near him. He continued to look around, then froze. The wall near him. He was standing in the middle of a room that must have been over fifty feet across. That wall was only about ten feet away. He turned back to see the light now stretching across the floor. His heart pounded in his chest, his breathing becoming faster. He began to notice the smell of decaying meat that filled the room, and the rising humidity around him. He also became aware of a faint hissing sound that came from behind him. But it was all too late, as his arm exploded with pain. He looked down to see his skin bubble and smoke as the flesh of his forearm began to melt off in chunks, his bones decaying until his dead hand dropped to the ground. He managed to turn himself around. The three basilisks snapped at the flesh, fighting over the hand and crunching the bones. Another snake whipped its head at him, this time sinking its fangs into his leg. He attempted to pull the snake off, but his hand smoldered to ash at the touch. The snake struck at the hand, and it exploded into black flakes. He tried to scream, but his throat had been torn out by one of the vicious heads. As he stared in bewilderment at the snakes, he began to make out a monstrous form, sixteen feet in height, with large yellow orbs staring at him with hunger. He slumped to the ground as the life was eaten away from him. His eyes fell upon the corridor he came from, at the image of the beautiful mother, as another victim walked in a trance toward it. He let out a silent scream as he was lifted by massive clawed hands and dropped into the gaping maw.

Author's Note

I don't usually write Gothic stories. I just started a Gothic Literature class and thought I'd give it a try. Was it too slow? Was it boring at all? What can I do better? Lengthy reviews welcome.

Reviews

[aluminara]

Well, I read the story all way down, and I liked its content. However, as long as English is not my native language, it would be much easier and much livelier if there'd be some paragraph division. In general I liked the depth of some words and phrases, such as “glorious golden light”, “fanged mouth”, “gaping maw”, et.al. Concerning the literary character of your writing, I would estimate it in between a thin surrealism and a Poe-kind of romantic Gothic short-story. In general, I liked the visual images and the transitions of narrative plot.

[Marie]

THis is rather surrealisic, but very interesting. I liked the pictures those windows showed; that was a very effective piece of writing.

Watch your possessives.