Our Skin

A short story / perhaps a chapter in a story I'm working on

That same feeling came back again. That knotted, twisted feeling you get in your stomach that brings with it so much angst, borderline dread. It's not flight or flight, but a very strong impression that something is going to happen... something which could go very well but could also get pretty ugly. The question whirling incessantly around Angela's mind had already been asked twice before, and she didn't get the response she was hoping for either time. What's to say it would be any different today? 

Without giving any more thought to it the words came out. It was too late, she made up her mind and something had to be said. 

"What do you think about keeping this as friends now, you and me? I'm not sure we should keep seeing each other anymore".

Marcus put down his pencil. 

"I'm not going to see you for a while, I'm away in Chicago next week and then to L.A. for a conference".

The sentence hovered unfinished, perhaps Marcus hadn't quite understood Angela's meaning. 

"I'm going away next week too, but I mean in general, perhaps we should stop doing what we're doing now and just be friends?'

Marcus pushed his seat back from the desk he had just sat down to work on, his shoulders sinking back into the leather armchair. He shrugged his shoulders slowly and deliberately as he sighed heavily and took a second to think what his response should be. After some thoughtful consideration he replied;

"do as you please, Angela, you always do".

Angela was shocked, taken aback at the bitterness in his voice. What surprised her the most however, was the hearing of something other than indifference. She looked at him in confinement, and he continued.

"I have never been asked if I'm okay with being dumped! I don't know what you expect from me. Like I said, do as you please". Marcus stood up impatiently and walked around the back of his chair towards the window. He stood for a moment and looked out over the city skyline. 

Angela was taken aback. She hadn't expected this. Marcus and Angela had been seeing each other on and off for a number of months now, but no-one had ever spoken about being in a relationship so it just didn't make sense to her that he could ever consider this dumping. Perhaps his ego has been bruised. 

Still not knowing what to say, Angela began to gather her things. The sound of the zippers opening and closing her bags became painfully loud, as did the thoughts in her head. Her stomach knotting once more at the thought, she began once again;

"we only see each other if I get in touch with you Marcus, and that's not working for me anymore. I don't want to chase you".

"Oh nice, thank you", Marcus spat back at her, then with a little more sincerity; "I'm sorry you feel this way".

"We made plans to see each other at the weekend Marcus but the weekend came and went without either one of us getting in touch. What does that say?! If you can't even reply to me, I struggle to see how you expect me to believe that this is anything more than casual sex for you. So no, I'm not going to chase that, I'm looking for more than that".

Satisfied that she had explained herself just enough to be understood, not so much as to reveal too much, Angela picked up her bag and made way for the door. She walked purposefully and felt both proud at herself for being assertive but also disappointed that she found herself in this position with him, yet again. This is the third time now, and both times so far they have come back together again one way or another. The one thing stopping Angela from walking away is knowing that Marcus is calm and proud, he will wait as long as it takes for Angela to contact him again, as he's often sure she will, and so far he's been right. 

"Sure", replied Marcus, watching her make progress towards the exit. "I didn't realise we had made plans. I have a lot going on at the moment and I am working all weekend so that's why we couldn't see each other'. He paused and returned to his city view. 

"I'm not looking for excuses". Angela picked up her keys on the stool next to the door.

Perplexed, Marcus moved to meet Angela at the door and halted her hand as it raised to open the front door. Frustrated that this had happened again, so out of the blue, he tried to explain from his point of view. "I have been there for you when you needed me, Angela. Your tantrums are something I have to deal with often and I am a patient, calm individual and I don't often rise to such occasions". 

"Tantrums? Angela thought, who does he think he is!? The patience immediately fell from Angela's expression and she gasped at the implication that she was acting like a child. Marcus hadn't finished, but could see that he wasn't getting anywhere fast. He hesitated as he put this spat into persecutive in his head; Angela was leaving in a couple of days and he would be also gone in around a week... perhaps it would be better to leave the conversation here before it got any worse. Marcus straightened his neck and took a couple of quiet, patient steps back.

"Enjoy your trip, Angela. Get lots of sun". 

Angela didn't know whether to feel hurt, angry, patronised, or simply sad. Looking at Marcus' face she could see that he was just as confused. 

"That was hurtful. We are different people remember and we handle things differently. I don't contact you because I need you, Marcus, I contact you because I want you. At least I never gave you reason to doubt that I care." 

Marcus couldn't maintain eye contact any longer. Despite the emotion in Angela's message her tone was soft and sad, which makes it difficult for Marcus to stay angry at her. He always enjoyed taking care of Angela, being the cause of her upset makes this impossible. He does find her though, one of the most complicated women he has ever come across. 

"I don't know what else to say, Marcus. Have fun in L.A."

Angela closed the door behind her, a little louder than normal. Marcus sank back in his armchair and stared at the empty piece of paper he was supposed to be working on, before Angela begun this conversation. Why does she do this? He thought to himself. He can't spend too long worrying about her latest tantrum, he has far too much work to do.

*

Tantrum, thought Angela, as she made her way through down the street to the bus stop. This categorically explains their total lack of understanding, what she perceives are attempts to confront differences Marcus sees that she is throwing her toys out of the pram. Shaking her head as her mind filled with all the various different reasons why this is just not going to work, she paid her bus ticket and slumped into her seat with relief. 

One of Marcus' comments in particular was circling her mind on her journey home -"I've been there when you needed me". It's true, he was there for her when she was moving jobs which she had found to be quite stressful. Then she remembered the time she was unwell he brought her natural sleep remedies and spent more time at her place for a short while. "Do as you please Angela, you always do". She wasn't using him, she missed him, and she wanted him, but she needed to have these conversations because she doesn't want to waste too much time on something which is only ever going to be causal. 

It was back. That gut-wrenching knot in the stomach. Angela felt hot and claustrophobic from her bus journey. She picked up her phone to open her message history from Marcus, looking for confirmation that she was doing the right thing. 

4/3/2019

Marcus - babe let's make it 8.30 I'm going to be late

Angela - okay see you 8.30

3/3/2019

Marcus - hey, when you back?

Angela - hey, I''m back tomorrow

Marcus - yay

29/3/2019

Marcus - thinking of you xx

Author's Note

Feedback most welcome! thank you

Reviews

[Kent Rawski]

like the tip of an iceberg what seems to matter is whats underneath and these two are left to fathom things out and so many people use time as a sounding board yes this is a turning point things have come to a head the next steps are very important you have written relational problems in a very realistic manner and have left it open ended so we may see how we ourselves might answer well written

[Laura Kate]

I really appreciate your comments Kent, thank you. I am also unsure which way to go next, as you say the next steps are very important. It will be interesting to see what happens next ...!

[MarkAndTheOcean]

Lovely little story, a few grammar mistakes but not so bad. I always love reading about a bitter relationship, you did a good job showcasing the anger and angst through your writing.
Keep it up!

[Laura Kate]

Thank you Mark! I will keep working on it :)

[Guess]

really like this. it shows the struggles of relationships, were both parties seem to misunderstand each other and their needs. Great story bud- *2 thumbs up*

[Laura Kate]

Hi, thank you so much for your feedback. I'm very happy to see your thumbs up! Much appreciated.
read moreHi, thank you so much for your feedback. I'm very happy to see your thumbs up! Much appreciated.
Laura