Almost

Almost

A Poem by Laura Kate
"

I'm not even really sure what this is, but I wrote it 4/5 years ago and it has taken me this long to be able to look at it again

"
Up all night
words jumbled in my head
jumping left to right
a duel between myself

memories
caught up in hopes 
confused in dreams

worries and fears
wedged like a bolt
in my third eye

in this head
the one I used to lay
on your chest when it was heavy

I'd take the weight of yours too
now it floats away
from its ball and chain

stretched to its max
before it ricochets 
... not today

go back
try again
... you haven't finished yet

suddenly I feel I'm drowning
floating in a volume of infinite mass
stand, sit, dance - it does not matter

keep moving 
stay still
time slows until it stops

that thing
in my head
it starts again

telling me I have something to prove
even alone I've never nothing to do
off floats the mind again, it won't stop for a single second
a never ending journey of finding, and searching.

Didn't you tell me you had something to prove?
Inked on your skin so it'd never wear thin
Your skin 
I no longer know

my heart floats and there's a burst inside my chest
a flooding of water swollen in an ocean
and its clear that no-one's here
just me

asking myself
why
why do I spend so much time in here?

you weren't out there when I needed you
it's no surprise I can't find you In there either

you feel better now that I understand 
the pain you felt,
now that I've experienced it 
for myself,
the same pain he did to you he did to me
through you

waiting at the window but he never came
so I showed up for you 
you went and did the same 
to me

you didn't come home
didn't pick up the phone
you feel better now I know

you were scared 
therefore 
so was I

consumed by that fire
the flames spread 
my forest had been pure

I can't do this anymore



No rules - as long as that works for you.
New rules - as long as they confine me too

you feel safer then, don't you
when my wings are clipped and you're free to fly
high
then I'm guilty
 of not being your ride or die

memories are all that's left
once you have found freedom
  from captivity

memories - when you called the police
I tried to escape and took your keys

fists thrown, 
knives hurled
broken glass

hell hole
lessons learned
no-one asked

so close 
so close to you
so far from me and all I knew

so close
you will always be
the worst thing that almost happened to me

now I see it
clearly

© 2021 Laura Kate


Author's Note

Laura Kate
I haven't edited this, it's a free flow of thoughts made 4/5 years ago. Looking at it now feeling like a different person. I'd love any creative or cultural suggestions regarding how to bring this together. Thank you.

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Added on April 13, 2021
Last Updated on April 13, 2021
Tags: cleanse, purge, cathartic, prose, abuse, narcissistic, narcissist, narcissism, entrapment

Author

Laura Kate
Laura Kate

United Kingdom



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A Poem by Laura Kate