Silver and Green

A Slytherin aesthetics inspired poem that shows how opposites can go together quite nicely.

Frigid nights by blazing fires,

Dark colors and bright ambition,

Shrewd whispers in elegant clothing,

Warm laughter on stormy nights, 

Hostile stares and unimaginable affection,

The desire to be alone

And demanding attention,

The contrast of

Light and dark,

Pure and tainted,

Gracious and mean,

The bond between,

Silver and green. 

Author's Note

Feedback and helpful criticism of any kind are very appreciated, it's what I came on this website for. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[LawrenceRaybon]

Excellent use of contrasts. I quite enjoyed this poems. I was surprised by the rhyme at the end but it didn't feel forced and fit quite nicely.

As far as constructive criticism two things.

First, the elegant clothing and worn out sweaters didn't fit as well for me. The other contrasts are tied together fire and chill, storm and laughter, etc. They happen concurrently. Elegant clothing and worn out sweaters aren't concurrent, if you are wearing a worn out sweater you aren't wearing elegant clothing. It's not bad, it just struck me that it didn't fit as well. Side note when I hear elegant I automatically think attire not clothing, but that's just me.

Secondly, and this isn't big, the line 'and the need for attention' felt clunky to me. I'm not sure why, but 'need' and 'attention' both felt weird. I think if one of them were substituted for a more forceful or heightened word it would feel better. I'm sorry I don't know exactly how to describe it.

Anywho, these are just my opinions and feel free to ignore them if you wish. It's a very good poem and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

Cheers

[emipoemi]

There shouldn't be any commas after "be alone" or " contrast of", but other than that, this flows well, has a great message, and the rhymes/assonances are great. Well done!

[Breana]

Duly noted, thank you!

[emipoemi]

my pleasure.