My Lie

old ramblings...

I lied to myself... When I believed... When I

dreamed. Remembering everything... Seeing you

through purple tinted sunglasses, looking at you

in shades of intoxicating, confusing color.
Remembering everything you said.
Empty words. They filled and consumed me, but

the promises held nothing. Empty words... All I

ever heard. Not meant to be. Paper hearts and

paper tigers, they're all the same in the world

you paint, talking from both faces.
Wreck me, destroy me, burn me... anything but

hold me, release me from your grasp.
Give me back the life you took from me. Wash

away the colors of shame that you gave to me. I

sit, baffled, at how it came to this. From where

it all began... to this... The way I used to be. I've

never been weak, I've never been cowered. I hope

someday you can see what you took from me.
Wash away the colors of shame you gave to me...

so I can see again, so I can breathe again... so I

can live again. I'm not sure what I want

anymore, but I know it's not this.
Maybe a deep sleep of content... a deep dreamless

slumber. A visionless break from the reverie...

from this mistake I'm in. Who knows where I'll

wake? Maybe  in the end just solitary moments.

A deep sleep of content... but I'm here... again

and always.
Wash away the colors... Release me from your

soft, delicate, ruthless hands. No answer... what

did I truly expect? Again I wonder... How did it

come to this? Never meant to be. How did it

come to this again and aagin... just a question,

simple enough. But it really doesnt matter. I

forgive you all the same. For what you took

from me... I wish you would bring it back, look

into my eyes, whisper softly... I love you... again

and always...
But you wont... you never wanted to. You cant

help me anyway. I dreamed, I believed... I lied to

myself.

 

Reviews

[Gary H]

I totally agree with you. I did this for quite a few years until I was taken from my reverie by someone who was determined I should forget and move on. Easier said than done though so hope you've done the same.. One of the best things is to get something like this written down - good therapy. Well written and enjoyable in the sense that I could relate to it.