Forgiven

No longer taking responsibility for that which I am NOT responsible for.

Eight years, I gave
You were my world
My heart, my soul
I lived to see you smile
I fought so you could live

And what did it get me
Where did you end up
Down a lonely road
Of self abuse
Lack of control

At the end of the eighth year
I couldn't fight anymore
I had given all I had
I kept nothing for myself
And in the end, your darkness consumed it
The last of my light

In that moment, in that hour
I asked you to leave
For you see, it was always my home
I had invited you in
When you had no where else to turn

Here we are, one year later
And you have the audacity
To condemn my behavior
To say that I lied to you
That I didn't hold true

I wasn't there for you
Last month
Thats what your email read
I wasn't able to sacrifice
And to let your darkness swallow me again

I lied, I read the line
Over and over again
Wondering, could this be real
Is this man, with his delusions
Really sentencing me

You never ask how I am
You protest
You never concern yourself
With my condition
You blast
In stunned silence I can only sit

Knocked down, slapped around
Thats what your words did to me
Nauseas, waves of guilt
Tried to wash over me in the midnight hour
What more could I give my mind protested in ange

My heart sentencing me to a week of frustration
The jury was out
It was a toss up
Until I talked to my lion
And his brow just wrinkled

Susan, he said, in his deep, gruff voice
Is he your responsibility, on which to worry?
Somberly, I shook my head no
Do you call him, when you're down, depressed, or blue?
Once again, shaking my head no, was all I could do

Then why should he place this burden on you?
I titled my head up
Taking in his soft brown eyes
He stroked my hair back from my face
And do remember, I could always kick his a*s

A smile fluttered across my face
The guilt, still heavy on my heart
And I shook my head no
Come to bed then, its been a long day
Face it in the morning, tell the world how you feel

Yet his words stung
Tossed and turned into the night
Was all I achieved
And now I sit, typing this out
For me and for you

I will not respond
And when the divorce is over
The papers signed
The gavel down
You won't hear from me anymore

The excuses and beginning forgiveness
Those times are over
Especially for the crimes I haven't committed
You are not my charge
My patient, or my lover

You broke the sympathy gauge
Over pressured
Under appreciated
And no maintenance ever given
In eight, very long years

The time has come
To really say goodbye
I wish there was more
That could have been done
But, thats not up to me

Dismissed from the job
No longer caretaker
Nurse
Mother
and Lover
A wife, I never felt I was

There were too many hats
Never being allowed the simple pleasures
That one shares with a spouse
My lion protects his lamb
That was something you never gave

A sense of shelter
Security
Love and hope
He wraps his arms around me
And all is forgotten

Maybe you tried
maybe you didn't
I still believe you are too wrapped
In your own downhill of despair
You might not even realize that you pushed me

Kept me away from you there
Good luck
Best Wishes
and do take care
If you ever get over
What its like to be you
Then maybe one day
True love will find you too...