confusion in love and relationships

truly a rant and not a poem, circa 2004

confusion still lasts
is the grass always greener on the other side
when do i stop looking?
do i "settle" for long term
or do i search for the ideal
do i trust my love that says hes the one
is love even real
i am overanalyzing
i am lost in my own life
that i have not yet created
and im confused in relationships again
will i ever be happy with the way i am
and with who i have
or will i always long for the one i had
and search for that man that is logical and loveable?
and how will i know that is true love?
how is it not forced becuase he appears so ideal?
will my thoughts ever quit swirling?
will i ever stop being so contradictory?

i need someone there always that will never leave
yet i want my independance and for him to have his own too
i get annoyed with those that want to see me daily
yet i need to be wanted
i attract the insane and the codependant
i portray the mother figure
i forget to care for myself 
and then when i do care for me it hurts them b/c i isolate myself
i make no sense whatsoever
i thought i knew what i wanted in a relationship 
but everytime i get that its not enough

someone help guide me

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems please.