Help Me . I'm Fine

something about depression

Help me . I’m Fine

Everytime I pulled , the ropes seemed to get tighter around my wrists , my name is Amelia. I have this feeling as if every time I reach out to touch reality again , this thing inside of me that is so fixed on strangling me from my happiness tightens it’s hold making me start again merley grinding for my life to fall back into my hands .  I am forced to live with this thing that is wrenching my emotions out like a soaked cloth, twisting and draining every last drop of emotion left of me to go to utter waste .

I am Amelia and I am haunted by depression  . My depression is like a ghost that is stubborn and will wallow within me following me everywhere . It is not temporary,  I can not get it to leave, not even if i want it to . No matter how hard I continue to yell and scream at it or let my tears drown me in it’s sorrow it remains sitting in the pit of my stomach . This “ghost” feels no empathy , no remorse... nothing . It continues to stride along with me persuading me along every path I take , every decision I make and every word that stutters out of my mouth . My depression leaves me breathless when I weep in the darkness lonesome and numb as if i’m watching myself struggle through a spectators eyes . It leaves me broken and shattered everyday and it continues to hit me harder and harder as I am attempting to climb my way back to the life I once held .

I feel like i’m calling out for help, stretching out to my peers , my family and my loved ones , just anyone who will listen. They can’t hear me . They can not hear my screams or hear my cries and pleads , they can not feel my pain , my suffering , my heartache , they can not taste the happiness on the tip of my tongue that I can not reach! . They can not see my constant sadness stabbing me through the pit of my stomach everyday! . That is because this depression inside of me is hiding itself in plain sight, faking a smile , faking my joy and hiding the fact that the ropes holding me back from that happiness continue to get tighter the more I try.  No one knows but me . No one understands my hurting but me. No one seems to care , and neither do I , not me , not anyone else , not anymore .

Author's Note

May be upsetting to read.