Reality

Depression

You ask why I'm so quite? You want to know if something's wrong? What if I told you that nothing was ever right? Would that change how you see me? Everyone else? Yourself even? Would it change your whole understanding of people and the world we live in?

You see me.
With "friends": I smile, I laugh.
With family: I smile, I laugh.
What you don't see is when I'm alone. You don't see the tears, the scars I hide, or the way my thoughts tourture me. Could you believe the words said to me as a child; the words they may not have even ment could change me forever? That it could cause such suffering? It left me with a constant screaming in my head. It tells me I can't do it, I'll never be good enough, it tells me to quit while I'm not to far behind...

So I'm sorry I'm so quite, sometimes the screams get to loud and they silence my own thoughts. It's like I'm in a room with 1000 demons and there's only one me. I've held them off for this long but some battles they win. They grab my throat and take away my ability to speak. The tears will begin to roll down my cheeks and not soon after the blood spills out of my wrist. More often then not I drown in those tears and the blood.

Now you ask why I don't scream for help, show someone the scars, cry for help not alone? It doesn't work like that. I suffer in silence, I hide myself from the world because they don't understand, they never could.

Maybe i could have gotten help. It would only of taken one. One person could have made all the difference. One person to show me they really cared. Instead you all laughed at me, told me I was stupid, told me I was good for nothing. You saw me as something to make you feel better about yourselves. All of you is the reason I'm this way!

SO WHY?! PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY?! WHY WOULD I EVER GO TO ANY OF YOU FOR HELP!? Maybe if someone came earlier I'd get better, unfortunately that's not the way it worked out.

That's me; unasked, that's the truth. The smiling, the laughter. All fake. But it's funny. I keep going not for me, not because I have something that keeps me going, not because I'm tough. I keep going for everyone else. So their world's don't come crashing down under the weight of reality.

So does knowing this change you? It obviously changges how you see me but what about the world? It should because what's reality, what the honest truth is... There are more like me.

Worse then me

Author's Note

Ignore spelling