The Motel Room

A poem...

 

It’s scuttling

Across the vine design of the blanket

And I’m huddling

At the edge, just struggling

To contain my thoughts-

-but the bugs are infesting

Crawling through my mind and the rest of me

Digging through my head, nesting.

 

The room smells of cigarette smoke, sex and old beer

It’s stained into the carpet, harvesting crops for the next year

Of unpaid roommates

Who scuttle between the plaster

Maybe I should talk to the old b*****d

That charges forty-five a night for a room he claims is a master-

-bed

S**t, I doubt it’s even that

It looks like a twin, and I can see where the rat

Chewed through the side

The cheap prat

 

If I have to have roommates

They should at least split the pay

But I shake my head and decide I’ll talk to him another day

He’ll probably just ignore me anyway

It’s been three days since he said I’d get a microwave

And I’m still cooking Ramen the poor man’s way

 

Lost in thought, I’ve caused neglect

To form on the end of my cigarette

Burnt to ash, and I’ve still yet

To leave this room in time to get

Another pack

But we know I will soon

My bottles empty, and its nearly noon

 

The wall shakes

Causing the release of a few more roommates

Hidden in the walls

To seek escape

And I can’t help but laugh at how fake

The girl’s screams are

But she needs to make

The pay, and that's her way

S**t, she’s doing better than me, so who am I to say

A word of judgment, anyway

 

But still, I open the bottle and take another pill

I may as well leave now

Maybe by the time I get back she’ll be still

If not, at least my bottle will be filled

And I can shut it out, 

-my mind killed.

Author's Note

Not sure how I feel about this one. Its very unorthodox, with no strong rhythm or anything. I wanted it to be a little haphazard, but I may just edit this later. Not sure. Let me know what you think.

Reviews

[MissEpic2902]

I loved the suspense and imagery in your work!!! :D this is great!!

[MachinaWriter]

I have a revised version of this poem, which I think is a lot better. Check it out and let me know what you think ^^

[MissEpic2902]

Okay!! I'll do it tomorrow I have to go for now!! lol

[Sarah W. French]

The imagery in this is amazing!

[MachinaWriter]

lol Thank you. I was hoping to create a good picture of what these places are like. And of my mindset back when I was living in them. I hope it came across well.

[MachinaWriter]

There's a revised version of this one that I did a lot of editing for.

[eglantine]

I def like the revised oen better

[MachinaWriter]

I do, too. This one was just spilled out onto the page, the other one has far more polish. Thanks for the read ^^

[Dr. Wood ?]

it works for me I think you have created a wonderfully bleak portrait here...I am from Emgland and my only experience of Motels is from the movies...Much as my experience of America...I was in that room...itching alongside ya

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you and I'm glad you liked it. If itching along side me means you liked it lol

[Dr. Wood ?]

yeah....I could feel those bugs...you did a great job

[MachinaWriter]

thank you lol

[Kelsey]

Lost in thought, I’ve caused neglect / To form on the end of my cigarette / Burnt to ash, and I’ve still yet / To leave this room in time to get / Another pack / But we know I will soon / My bottles empty, and its nearly noon

This just took my breath away. The way it just rolls off of the tongue when said aloud, the way it flows so oddly, yet perfectly at the same time; everything about this verse is lovely. This whole piece is amazing, knowing what I know about you and what you've been through. This really paints a picture. Wonderful job.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you. I typed it out rather quickly, not thinking too much about it or trying too hard, hoping it would just come out right. So some of it switches kinda suddenly, but I guess it kinda works for the piece. Thanks for the comment, as always ^^