Hellfire of My Mind

I wrote this through one of my breakdowns.

Blinded by nostalgia in a world so dark and cold,

My thoughts and heart are filled with fire and coal,

Never-ending expressions of life, it’s all wrapped in my soul,,

And all of a sudden I know I should stop trying to act so old…

For some reason, I feel like I have grown up, you see.

I now know what I want to be,

You helped me be free to see what I need to do to be me!

Hon, my heart belongs fully to you.

No more of this bullshit I used to throw as it all blew-

Up in flames, You’re my flame,

You’re what keeps me tame,

Yeah, it’s YOU TO BLAME-

Haha, now let’s stay sane.

I am afraid of the future, I am afraid of what could happen.

Honestly I think of failure and it’s everything but laughin’.

Maybe I should take it slow,

Why am I rushing things? Give us more time to grow?!

I know if nothing is started now, there won’t be anything left.

“Maybe tomorrow”, they always say,

Then look back at themselves lose their way…

You are my everything, love! I want you forever and ever!

But what if I’m not ready by then to settle down with you forever?

I try to talk about my future to my family and I get shut down.

“You are an irresponsible piece of s**t who won’t have anything going for her”,

And they wonder why I have so many meltdowns…

It’s depressing, it’s got me stressing,

I messed up okay? Why tell me my future is only regressing?!

It’s all really getting to me.

Anything I say or do anymore, I get judged for,

Hold up, LET ME BE!

You see,

When someone tells me I will never amount to anything I listen to them.

I’m not the kind that will try to prove them wrong, that’s not who I am.

I listen to every word and I take it all to heart,

Now I’m sitting here all fearful, feeling like I could fall apart,

And honestly I hate this!

Everything about it.

Every little mother f*****g thing, it’s all such s**t.

Maybe I should push everyone out and be myself again…

Hon, I need some time to breath but you are the only person I’d allow to take me in...

Author's Note

Feel free to tell me how bad/good I am.