Amore Mio

The night was cool and the wind danced across the ocean like excited children. The view of the Amalfi coast behind us as we sailed toward the Tyrrhenian Sea was nothing short of magnificent. We gazed upon the stars while we lay out on the deck and all I could think about was that moment with you. I leaned over to kiss you when the alarm went off. All of a sudden the shipmates scrambled to the bridge to inquire as to what was going on. I can still feel how fast your heart was beating, for you were rather frightened. The ship made a hard turn to avoid the almost hidden outcrop, but it collided with the bed of rocks and tilted port side. You cried out with a loud shriek as you, and our daughter, slid down the deck toward the water. I darted toward you both, leaping into the air to grab your arm, and hers, before you fell off the side. She slipped through my fingers, so I grasped your hand with all my strength, trying to pull you up with my soaked hands, but it wasn’t enough.

 

            Little by little my grip weakened and our child had already hit the water. You gave me a look that I will never forget and then you let go of my hand. I cried out as I watched you draw closer and closer to the abyss, but there was so little time. I dove in after our baby, searching and searching until I couldn’t stand the pain in my chest. I resurfaced to catch my breath and submerged myself in those treacherous depths soon after. The deep blue made it nigh impossible to see a thing, but the moonlight illuminated the water giving me some sight. I rushed downward as fast as I could and after descending I found you and our daughter, but I could only reach one of you. Neither of you were moving and I didn’t know why, but our daughter wouldn’t last as long as you could. I couldn’t bear to lose you two and the mere thought of it was inconceivable. Running out of air, I made a brash decision and swam toward her. Once I had her in my arms I hurried back up and left her floating at the surface; unaware of her lack of breathing. With time running out I went back down looking for you and when I found your body I was relieved, but that feeling was short lived. You were unconscious.

 

            Panicked, I took your arm, pulled it towards me, and kicked with all of my strength upward. Once we surfaced I checked you both; you two were freezing and deathly still. Your head was soaked in blood and our girl wasn’t breathing. A few sailors hollered from the ship and threw down some life jackets and buoys with ropes attached. They pulled us in and dragged us on to the boat. One was a medic and had a bag ready, attending to your bleeding head; you must’ve hit it on a rock when you fell. Another started to perform CPR on our girl and all I could do was cry. I was terrified at the possible outcome and wasn’t able to pull myself together. I couldn’t accept a world without you so I pinched your nose and pressed my lips against yours, attempting to fill your lungs with life. I interlocked my hands tightly together and pumped your chest for a minute until you came back to me. You gasped for air with such zeal, as if it was your first breath.

 

            When you were lucid, you reached over to our little girl to see how she was doing. The medic looked at us with sorrow in his eyes and said, “Sono così dispiaciuto. Abbiamo fatto tutto il possibile per salvarla.” You stared at me in shock, followed by a look of great woe on your face as I told you the medic did everything he could to save her. You screamed in anguish as I held your frigid body next to mine. I hated how I felt. I was torn with the death of our baby girl and yet I was relieved to have you with me. We wept and wept and wept, but no matter how much we grieved our baby was gone. I felt nauseous and I could only fathom how you felt. I wrapped my arms around you and squeezed you against my body; hoping to absorb some of the pain. I wanted nothing more than to ease your suffering and put your mind to rest. The waves continued to crash against the vessel, it rocked us about, preventing us from standing. The sailors were too busy to help us, so I grabbed your arm and headed to the nearest room. Men shouted in Italian trying to ground all of the supplies, gather everyone else on board to safety, and protect their own. The bridge wasn’t too far off, so I hurried down portside with you next to me. One shipmate exclaimed, “Attento!” as a wooden crate came flying in our direction. The crate smacked right into me knocking me down and loosening my grip on you. You slipped away from me and as a wave struck the ship you were gone. Back into the ocean’s embrace where I lost you before. I howled so much, but I was too dizzy to see straight. I screamed to one of the sailors, “Mia moglie! Salva mia moglie! Save her!” but there was no one to heed my cry.

 

            It’s been three years since I lost my girls and not a moment goes by where I wish it was me. I know I shouldn’t, but I feel guilty. Guilty that I took you two on that trip. Guilty that I didn’t do more to save you. Guilty that I get to live and you don’t. Nothing has changed. Nothing has improved. The pain I’ve endured has only grown more difficult to bear. I haven’t found anyone else because there is no one else. You were it and as I stare at this handful of Oxycodone and guzzle down this bottle of Scotch I can’t help but think, Mi manchi, amore mio. I miss you, my love. I will be with you soon.

Reviews

[Emily]

So sad! I like how you used second person, because it's so hard to do it well. I was moved by the story, and felt the hurt and guilt in it. I'm not even sure what to critique on it!

[Guardian Of The Lost]

Haha aww. Gemma said she liked it and I'm like, "Why!? It's so depressing!" Lol.