I hate me

Its my perception my confusion

It was the only time he was nice
It was the only time he 'loved' me
I wanted him to be proud of me
I wanted him to love me

For what its worth I didn't like it
His hands were always so cold
His breath uneven and his face tensed up
His eyes so lost in his way

Then there was no stopping him
There was no stopping the pain
I dreamt of another place another room
But it was too late how do I ignore the pain

How do I even begin to cry when it hurts
Its supposed to be love he needed it right
For him to love me
For him to care
It needed to happen

I was just a child I...
I just did what he said I must
He made me bad every time
Told me I made him do it
He was right I was bad