Glorious Star

A sonnet based on Keats' 'Bright Star''.

Glorious bright shining star in the night:
How we wonder what sights you have seen,
Shimmering there, with your diamond like light;
Watching us in peace, seemingly serene
Like the ocean, as it washes the face
Of the golden shores; of the scorch’d Earth -
Howling with winds, with trees bowing in grace
For the last supper; in praising love’s birth
Down by the lake in an embrace with my
Fair maiden, her heart beating next to mine -
Two as one forever as time goes by,
Drunk on life far more than any fine wine,
Stay, stay this sheer bliss, this moment I share
In life or in death for all that I care.

Author's Note

I admit there are a few similarities with Keats' 'Bright Star'', but I reckon there is just enough originality to make it stand alone. It is still reasonably rough in draft, but everything I write is a 'work in progress'!
**In receipt of some fine recommendation, i have modified several lines to this poem to assist the poem flow to it's conclusion with more ease (MH - 22:00 - 09/09/2008).

Reviews

[Anima Inspired]

Wondering at a star...that's something that I think is very relatable, and many have written about this very thing over the years...though I do agree that yours is original enough to stand on its own. I liked the imagery, and, as I said before, the idea was great, I stumbled on some of the lines, particularly toward the beginning of the piece, so the flow was a little off for me.

Example line: How we wonder what it is you have seen --To me...too many words "what it is you" could easily be "what you"...which then leaves you with a short line, so maybe beef it up with "what sights you have seen" or something of that nature.

In the end...a good write...I'll read more.