The Tall Flowers

A Haiku

The Tall Flowers                             (Haiku)

Tall flowers around,

Oh no, I have stepped on them!

Only stems remain…

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[eMBr]

1. I like the general scene you create--this is good material to work with.
2. May I suggest more evocative language in line 1? For example, you might consider substituting the word "abound" for "around".
3. Line 2 strikes me as author-focused & rather didactic in that it comes right out and says what YOUR response is, and that leaves no space for the reader to become emotionally involved in it. Perhaps, though, you could shift the focus to the reader and try to evoke the "oh no" response in THEM. For example: "careless steps trample and crush" prods the reader for an emotional response, especially with the final line you have used (which, I think, is very effective).
4. Thank you for sharing--I think it is brave of people to put their inner selves out there for others to see.

[Martiya Daman]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, eMBR.
Could you clarify this to me? I am actually a minor, and haven’t heard such words.

[eMBr]

I see--I wasn't aware of that so thanks for letting me know. In this case it's best if you consult with your parents or guardian. There's nothing inappropriate in my critique, just some words about language that you may not know yet.

[Martiya Daman]

Okay, thanks, will ask my dad later then.

[Dylan Macadham]

Martiya, the image you create of lovely soft flowers being stepped on is impressive :)
Hint :)... this link counts syllables. Your Haiku is 5-6-3. Should be 5-7-5, right? (stepped is 1)
https://www.howmanysyllables.com/syllables/stepped

[Martiya Daman]

Better now?

[Dylan Macadham]

Yes, Wow!!!🤩

[Martiya Daman]

I expected that lol.

[Soren]

This poem evokes feelings in that I have stepped on flowers in the past and felt remorse for my act. Lovely

[Martiya Daman]

Thanks for reading, Soren. I am glad you liked it.