Learned Behaviour

Although I love you,
you are not my saviour.

        My parched spirit,
        begged a chalice filled,

        but holy wine
        seemed hardly a blessing
        when surveying a land of
        angry men.

I yearn
stability.

        Papa looked like Idi Amin.

        Idi was evil
        but Papa wasn't.

        I swear
        he wasn't.

I should be more forgiving.

        (Mama put her men before me,
        her husbands and son.)

I waded through poor choices.

        I waited my turn
        behind belts and
        indifference.

I bid my time,
and then I left.

There is that.

Reviews

[~ Stefanie ~]

I really like this piece! It seems that it is about a child telling a story about how he/she sees their parents through their own eyes. At least, that is what I think it is about. It was very well-written to say the least and I enjoyed taking the time to read it. Thank you for sharing!

[WhiteWillow]

This piece is different, and that's why I like it so. A sad topic, perhaps, but well written.

[Amy Craig Beasley]

great flow --- love the end - nice and neat~

[Noa]

Hello!

This is a beautiful display of skill with blank verse, very good writing! I especially like the third stanza; it creates this doubtful imagery that I believe every reader would picture differently, but it still conveys the main feeling you wrote into it: being able to do this in just one sentence broken up over four lines is an incredible accomplishment, and I admire you for it!

A few lines I feel look a bit out of place. The first two start off great, but there is no reference back to them in later lines (unless of course, I missed it), so their significance to the work feels decreased. The connection of the stanza you put between parenthesis is unclear to me as well, and I am not sure if parenthesis is the tool you need here to get your message across (nit-picky thing, never put a final period inside parenthesis/brackets, but use the period of the previous sentence). The final sentence also threw me off, as it feels like a complete wipe of the feeling you have built up so wonderfully. Personally, I would leave it out to make that feeling and imagery linger more; though this is, again, a personal style.

Regardless of these minor things, I really love this poem. Your lines are written abstract enough to hold mystery, but expressive enough to share the speaker's feelings. You create questions, curiosity, but also a relation between the speaker and reader. Truly awesome :D

Thank you for sharing your work!
-Noa

[joshua deathdealer]

Great form and story here and I like your construction. Nice work.

[AJ Kristiansen]

Wonderful Mary... very powerful and yet poignant and has a meandering feel about it... a strong message but it pauses in places to consider other points... I like that a lot! Excellent!

[Leslie Philibert]

An interesting look at the minefield of childhood and the way we see our parents,
the complex interaction of relationships. Loved the line I waded....
Good work, I`ll read more.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

Mary, this is well written. I know that belt and being put second........I left too, before I was even grown. Very well done.

[ChaoticSoul]

This is really well written and holds within it a beautiful story. You used a very interesting visual appeal along with your words and created a strong, powerful poem. I really enjoyed reading this.

[Hachamecha]

I like it:) It's beautiful, and holds strong voice