Frankly Frank ( theIRS 2)

Scene opens with John sitting on the couch watching TV. Theres a knock on the door. John looks up and says

 

 

John: If youre my prostitute the strap on and lube is in my basement. Ignore the skulls and chains.

 

 

The knocking continues. John gets up and answers. He walks over a dead body, the body of one of the many IRS agents he killed. John answers the door and there is a cop at the porch.

 

 

Cop: Hello sir, theres been a noise complaint. Apparently it sounds like brutal murder in here.

 

 

The cop looks around and sees the bodies of all the agents.

 

 

Cop: Sir, did you kill these IRS agents?

 

 

John: Those arent IRS agents, theyre zombies.

 

 

Cop: So wait, youre trying to tell me that these dead men in suits are or were zombies? Come with me.

 

 

John: Where are we going?

 

 

Cop: You sir, are going to be treated like a hero should be. Youre getting a medal for stopping a zombie apocalypse.

 

 

Scene cuts to Frank, Skylar, and the Klondike Killer still in prison. Frank is standing by the cell bars. Skylar is sitting on the ground while the Klondike Killer is sitting on the bed.

 

 

Frank: So, how are we gunna break out?

 

 

Klondike Killer: What? We cant escape. This place has like f****n maximum security.

 

 

Frank: Ive seen one cop since weve been here. How is that maximum security?

 

 

Klondike Killer: You know those prison movies where the killer always rapes the annoying bitchy one?

 

 

Skylar: I like the types of movies where the nerdy guy always gets the hot blond chick, and they just f**k really hard, but it never shows it. It gives me hope that maybe dad will come home some day.

 

 

Frank: The only way your dad would ever come home is if you won the lottery. And yes, Im calling him a cheap b*****d.

 

 

Skylar: Hey, I resent that truth!

 

 

Scene cuts to John on a stage. An enormous crowd surrounding it. Tons of cheering, then the mayor walks on stage and delivers the best speech since the I had a dream speech.

 

 

Mayor: All right f****n n*****s.This crazy a*s mother f****r just saved our fat American asses from a brutal death by zombies. I say we should all line up after this s**t and suck his dick til he cums, and none of that spitting s**t cuz thats rude! We WILL swallow! Now, Lets give this mother f****r the key to the city!

 

A tall blond chick in a tight red dress walks on stage with a botaux induced smile, with an actual key and hands it to John.

 

 

Mayor: John, with this key you can unlock any door or chastity belt in the city. You will have complete power. You will be like a real god, not that fake p***y Jesus s**t.

 

 

John: My dad always used to say "Dont flinch or Ill hit twice as hard." And he did and I cried. So, as god of this city I order him to be crucified on a burning cross.

 

 

Frank, Skylar and the Klondike Killer are sitting in the cell.

 

 

Klondike Killer: Ok, lets play twenty questions.

 

 

Skylar: Ok, is it worthwhile?

 

 

Klondike Killer: No.

 

 

Skylar: Is it religion?

 

 

Klondike Killer: Yes! You win now you get to suck me off.

 

 

Skylar: No thanks.

 

 

Klondike Killer: You cant blame me for trying.

 

 

Just then the doors open and John walks through wearing golden clothing. He walks up to the cell and looks at Frank.

 

 

John: Frank, they just made me god of the city! I can do anything, get into any bar, club, vagina. I have access to everywhere. Free anyone from prison...

 

 

Frank: So wait, you can get us out?

 

 

John: Figuratively.

 

 

Frank: What do you mean?

 

 

John: Calm down, Ill see what I can do.

 

 

John walks over to the cop and begins to speak. After awhile they shake hands and John walks back to Frank.

 

 

John: Ok, so its settled. Youre gunna stay in prison and pay your debt to society.

 

 

Frank: What the f**k?! Are you completely retarded?

 

 

John: Thou shalt not talk to god like that, you b*****d!

 

 

Frank: Youre useless! Get the f**k out!

 

 

John leaves and outside theres a fiery chariot that takes him away.

 

 

Frank: Ok you guys, were gunna have to break out of here old school.

 

 

An hour later the cop hears screaming and runs to the cell. There he sees a whole in the wall and looks inside, he sees a twenty foot drop and sees three people running.

 

 

Cop: How did they survive the fall? 

 

 

Three of them run out into the woods where they stop.

 

 

Klondike Killer: You know, lets just camp here tonight.

 

 

Frank: Ok, sounds good to me.

 

 

Skylar: Yeah, I could use some sleep.

 

 

Klondike Killer: So, do we take turn jerking off or...

 

 

Skylar: I didnt know we had to have set times to jerk it. I usually just do it, especially if theres family in the room.

 

 

Frank: Its true, hes very disgusting.

 

 

The next day they run to the city.

 

 

Skylar: Now were gunna have to restart our lives.

 

 

Frank: Dude, I was just gunna go back home.

 

 

Skylar: Yeah, we can do that too.

 

 

Klondike Killer: I dont have a home...

 

 

Frank: And you never will. Well later Klondike Killer, its been fun.

 

 

Frank and Skylar leave the killer and go home. Franks house has been turned into a mansion. Frank walks into the house and sees twenty hookers passed out on the floor, the rug is blood stained.

 

 

Frank: Dad? 

 

 

John: Thats god to you!

 

 

Frank: How did you get this mansion?

 

 

John: My followers built it for me. They also built me a church. Everyone attends on Sunday, I hate those religious a******s.

 

 

Frank: Youre a new breed of stupid.

 

 

John: Stupidity comes with the god title. Just face it, I saved the world and you were put in prison. Im better than you.

 

 

Frank: You killed IRS agents, you should be put in prison! But what do they do? Give you the key to the f****n city and now they started a religion after you. What the f**k?

 

 

John: God commands you to clean up the hookers.

 

 

Frank goes into Johns room and sees the massive space and shag rug and says

 

 

Frank: Well, I could get use to this new house.

 

 

Frank walks into his room and its a stall with a manger for a bed

 

 

John: You get it? Cuz Im god and youre worthless and are gunna be murdered!

 

 

Written by Matt Heston and Chris Hill

Reviews

[Eli Blayze]

"Skylar: I like the types of movies where the nerdy guy always gets the hot blond chick, and they just f**k really hard, but it never shows it. It gives me hope that maybe dad will come home some day."
How do you guys come up with this stuff?!Too funny dude! Keep it up.

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

"If youre my prostitute the strap on and lube is in my basement. Ignore the skulls and chains." If this line doesn't grab the audience nothing will.Top writing as ever :)