No One Really Knows

It is different for everyone. Some people say it is a blessing, others swear it a curse. I don't think it is possible to define, although many people may try. How do you judge it? By the feelings or the words? What about the smiles or the laughs? There are even people who claim to be experts or gurus. This, I cannot fathom. How can one be an expert on something that is different for everyone?

You don't know how it makes me feel, so don't try to explain it to me, and I won't try to explain it to you.

Thank you, I need this. I'm doing great, shining up above the world, looking down on it with a wide smile. "It's the closest to heaven, that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now." * I am happy, fulfilled and nothing could possibly bring me down. I feel whole and complete; warm and content. I don't need anything but this, if only it cold last forever. It can, can't it? Life should continue on this way, don't you think? Maybe one day. I like to think about "one day." I am feeling wonderful, completely satisfied. I can't live without this feeling. I won't live without it, how could I? Some may not feel this way, but I do. Some don't understand it, but I do. Go find it on your own. You may not agree, but you'll at least understand.

A day can feel like a week, a week drags on like a month. Too long. I cannot take it. I hear the echo of a song, my heart flutters. The words were written for the two of us, just you and I. I can't stop thinking. My heart has a relentless grasp on the things that it blesses me with. I want. I need. I miss. I was up so high, but now I'm back down to the ground. Lower than the ground. I need, but cannot have. "When everything feels like the movies, I bleed just to know I'm alive." *

Stop. Don't overreact. Just be patient. Even when I am low I am still happy, just longing. Never sad, I couldn't possibly be sad with it in my life. Simple things prolong the separation, things that can be gone "one day." Soon. I will not have to wait that long. It feels like forever. I will be so happy once again. Hopefully, "one day" we can always be happy.

It effects who I am. It effects what I do, the way I speak, the way I act, and especially the way I think. I think of it and I am overcome with a deep-seeded elation. A spontaneous smile will emerge in recognition. You did this to me. It did this to us. Somehow it found us.

I am not on drugs. Never have been, never will be. I am addicted to something that does more than give me a temporary buzz. It makes me so completely happy, and gives my life meaning. I am not living just for myself. My heart is no longer my own, I live for and through a happiness that does not belong solely to me. I cannot accomplish this happiness on my own. It is a bond, a friendship, an agreement, and a promise. It is a team effort. But when the team is split, it is hard to cope. Like opposite ends of the magnet, they thrive to unite and fight any force that pulls them apart. The struggle of separation only strengthens the reunion. No matter what, I need it and refuse to be without it. Some say that the young cannot truly understand. Age has nothing to do with it; either you have it or you don't. Do not tell me that I am naive. Do not tell me that I still have much to learn. These things may be true, but you don't know. It may have been different for you. It is different for me. Its different for him.

For some, it is not so great. It can be upsetting and painful; they may not even think it is worth it. In this case, can it really be true? How can it hurt you? Only if you let it, I suppose. Maybe I am just lucky, should I dare thank fate? If so, how did I become the lucky one out of so many? I will not question. I don't need to.

What is it? No one really knows. Whatever the answer, I am grateful that we have found it.