A Fairy Tale

I use the word prick a lot. Also dick

Tiny grains of concrete, loosened by the prince's feet, fell in showers to the ground ten feet below. His fingers clamped onto the next hold. Five feet above him his destination awaited him. Melodic notes drifted out of the window. The prince dreamed of the young princess waiting just five feet above him. He couldn't wait.
Four feet now, and the singing grew louder.
Three, the prince gritted his teeth.
Two, sweat drops fell to the ground.
One.
"I'm here to rescue you my fair, oh my god."
The prince's head was just over the bottom edge and his eyes were in line with the princess' open legs, skirt resting on her things. The princess opened her eyes and stopped her hand's subtle movements.
Her mouth fell open, matching the prince's.
They remained motionless, silent. The princess screamed.
The prince clambered into the stone room, immediately diving out of the way of a thrown vase. The princess quickly lowered her skirt and ran to the fireplace beside her door. She took the poker and headed towards the prince, still on the floor. She raised the poker high over her head and swung down. Metal collided with stone, passing the prince's back as he rolled away.
He sat up and she swung again. He crawled backwards and hit the wall. She raised the poker again.
"Wait, wait, wait," he said, shielding himself with abnormally small hands.
"Who are you!?" she demanded.
"I'm prince Jacob, I'm here to rescue you!"
"Then why were you ogling me!?"
"You were right there! It's not like I had a choice!"
Princess Erica lowered the poker.
"Okay, that's fair," she breathed.
He stood up and dusted himself off.
"I'm uh, Jacob."
"Erica," she replied. They timidly looked to the ground.
"So I hate to interrupt you," he said.
"But if you need any help..."
"Oh my god, you're such a pig."
They garnered defensive positions.
"Hey lady, I'm not the one jerking it by the window."
"Jerking it? I don't have a dick, you entitled prick. And this is my room I have a right to 'jerk' whatever, whenever, and however I want."
"Well if you're looking for something to jerk,"
"Jesus christ, you're an a*s."
"Hey, I'm here to rescue you. I think I deserve something."
He nonchalantly dusted his clothes.
"Look around, you prick. Does it look like I need rescuing?"
Jacob looked around and noticed a severe lack of shackles or chains. In fact, it was a pretty sweet room.
"But the front door was locked. I had to climb up through the window."
He motioned towards the window.
"Yeah, I lock my front door. Would you leave your house open for any sexist dick to walk in?"
He gave her a dirty look before he continued.
"But you're in a castle in the middle of nowhere."
"Nowhere? More like a sweet castle in the middle of 40 acres of prime real estate. I'm expanding as soon as my contractor stops being a pansy."
"Oh. Well... s**t."
"I'd say," she said.
"So, uh, I'm gonna go."
"Yeah, you do that."
"You, uh, mind if I use the front door?
"Whatever."
She turned her back to him as he walked to her bedroom door.
"I'm gonna rescue a different princess."
"Oh yeah? I hope it's not Sleeping Beauty Mr. Antiquated Gender Roles."
"Hey, I resent that," he said outside of the door.
"Do you? I'm sorry I should have assumed you were the pinnacle of chivalry when you were staring at my cooch," she yelled after him.
"You had your window open!" He yelled a quarter of the way down the first flight of steps.
"You ever tried closing a stone window? Glasscraft hasn't even been invented yet."
"Well excuse me for trying to be a good guy," he yelled halfway down the first flight of steps.
"You're not excused!"she yelled after him.
"God, what an a*****e," she said to herself, alone again.
"God, what a b***h," he said, walking towards a dark speck on the horizon.

Reviews

[Norman T]

I found the whole idea of turning the "happy ever after" concept of this story so funny , but personally, I feel that a less explicit, version would have made it more accessible to a wider audience. The gist of the story could still be there, but leave something to the reader's imagination, otherwise you are implying that only the the less literate can enjoy it.
Hope you don't think this is too harsh (or prudish),because I think you have a great idea and a terrific sense of satire, but as far as the expletives are concerned, less could equate to more.
Norman