Trying

Just Crap I Need To Get Off My Chest

Creativity.
How can someone be creative?
I truly don’t understand.
I am surrounded by people who can do things.
Am I blind?
Why can’t I do anything?
It seems as the more I try, the more I fail.
Even this thing I am currently writing.
I have tried to find something I am good at, I want to find something I am at least something I am okay at.
I have tried to write, and as you can tell I suck.
I have tried to sing. Not only am I not good at it, has made me so insecure.
Drawing, Painting, Bass, Poetry, Comedy, Flute, Guitar, Pottery, Violin, Piano, photography, gardening, just about everything that is obtainable for me.
I have so much inside, so many ideas. So many thoughts. Good, and Bad. I just wanted an escape. A dream, something to allow me to feel at least somewhat special.
If you were to ask everyone I know, and trust me I have. To name at least one thing I am good at. They will tell you I am funny, or I am positive.
I am funny because I try to hide the things that make me upset. Haha, they laugh at my stupidity. If I try to crack a real joke. Nothing. Crickets.
I bring it up to everyone, and they tell me. You will find something, everyone does.
Everyone f*****g has already.
People can draw, or can sing.
They can actually live.
It’s so hard for me just to live, don’t get me wrong. I am not suicidal or anything like that.
I can’t talk like a normal person, I try like everyone. They seem to all blame me for this.
I can walk, smile, hangout, eat, drink, learn but nothing like a normal person. That’s what makes me special.
I am special, because I can’t f*****g function like a normal human.
No this is not a call for help.
Not for people to pity me.
This is just for me, so I can take those ideas and put them somewhere.
So they don’t swallow me whole.
This may suck, but now I can go to sleep.
The thoughts in my head aren’t swarming me anymore.
Creative, that is something I am not.
Mentally dull, that is something I am, and can do perfectly.