Until the last train

My dearest Anabelle, If you're reading this I'm not coming home. I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise. But do me one more favor? Be happy and find love once again. I love you. Yours always, Ben

Oh you’re here!

I thought you’d never come!

I was waiting for you at the train station

It started to snow

There was an indigent woman

She smiled at me

Wearing nothing but thin rags

She was freezing

I gave her my coat

The red one you bought me

Just before you left

I still had my scarf and mittens

I sat down on the bench

I remember when I couldn't feel my face

Oh how I trembled but still I waited

A smile planted on my face

As I held your letter in my frozen hands

I watched them all leave the couples and families

The friends all greeting their soldiers back

And just before the last train stopped

I grew weary

I lay my head down for a rest

It’s warm here

Yes l know I’m dead

How? Oh well because

I heard the last train come in

I never woke up

It’s good to see you again my love

I missed you so.

Author's Note

It takes place at the end of WWII. What do you think?

Reviews

[Cid]

Review :
I hate seeing it ... I the hell yeah hate seeing beautiful angels feel sad. Ah! I know! I know! How's it feel when ya wait for someone and someone never comes to you then the rain becomes snow and the snow freezes the heartbeat low! but as long as hot warm talented boys as same as me are on this bad bad earth ..you the angels've don't need to worry about anything because we can see you with the tears cause your the world onself ..your the real dears!

This poem's really really powerful and just believe me, you just believe me! I really felt very bad seeing you sad ...if I were the guy for whom you waited .bI would've never put ya on wait cause I'd have leave you alone in this bad crowed world. Anyway ... It's a nice write, I always refresh my mind whenever I talk to you and read your beautiful emotional heartfelt touching stuffs. Your the real writer, beautiful!

Rating : 10000000000/100!
Note : "Meraki" is an awesome writer as well as an angel so, hey there you devils, don't make her sad cause there's no one as beautiful as nice as her in the world so, keep her smiley and of course fly with her but please, don't go under her wings because i've already occupied that place to stay under her white wings. Ha!

[Meraki]

Hahaha Cid, you flatter me you really do. Thank you sir for a spectacular review and don't worry I try to keep my heart guarded. I'm glad I can that for you. Refresh your mind I mean.

[Cid]

The pleasure's all absolutely mine! mine! and just mine! Ha! to make an angel flatter! It's an honor to make an angel flatter! Thanks!

Ha! You too make me smiley now!
Thank you ma'am for your wonderful words and omg! omg! thanks alot for keeping your heart saved for me ..to make my mind refresh, I mean. Hha!

[Meraki]

Oh now you've done it. Frantic beats and fluttering hearts jumping and skipping. Cupid is playing darts my friend haha ;)

[Cid]

Ha! Thanks, pretty!

I hope, your cupid word ain't labeling me that am A STUPID one! Ha! Am I???

[Meraki]

No, not stupid never that. Haha Cupid is not mine. Cupid and I dislike each other for many reasons that cannot be explained. Here at least.

[Cid]

Ah! Damnit! An angel's in the pain and now Cid can't see her insane!
Don't worry ...let that man go into the winds cause, time's on yer neath, let the heart go beat
you the angel of heat ... Just be smiley n be happy, my beautiful woman, you stunning MERAKI!

(I hope I could make ya smile again!)
By the way, I really hate such a guys who put the angels into the world of pain! Ah! POOR GUY! I think, He couldn't know, how lucky he was to be with you and to keep ya happy but anyway, he put ya into pain not it's showed he's very bad and he couldn't get the opportunity to let an angel take away from the world of pain ..just to BE HER RAIN!

[Meraki]

Oh no it's not that. But yes you have a point I should smile more lol

[Cid]

Ah! Got it!
Ha@#! Am happy I could make an angel smile! So, may I ask, are you happy in your life?

[Meraki]

Now yes, for the future I cannot speak, and the past is but a darkness behind me.

[Cid]

O' Ah! ....
...
I don't know your past and I even can't your past but yeah ... what I can do is make some smile on your face and make your present much better than past with the words and am the hell yeah sure about it! Ha!
And don't worry about future ... if we stay long time friend then one day .. you'll be flying with me and I'd be under your wings without hurting your feelings!

Ah! Forget that! I don't wanna make an angel upset!
So, you beautiful hair, have you penned anything new so that I could feel the scent of yourse?

[Meraki]

Not really just half finished poems and broken endings

[Meraki]

Too much on my mind to write anything as of late.

[Cid]

Ah! I hate seeing angels feeling tired so, what's a time over there?
Do you want some rest?

[Meraki]

3 in the morning. No it's fine I don't sleep much either. Besides I'm talking to you

[Cid]

Ah! Hey, it's even only 3 a.m..you know what, I even don't sleep in nights mostly so, yeah ..it's great to stay awake in morning because it's a time what and when you feel yourself and think that how bad the world is and how beautiful n so lone you are into the world because no one's as same as you cause no one as same as an angel ... ;)

Thanks, pretty, Am glad am not bothering you.. welll...if you get feel tired by my talks then you can tell me..i'll leave ya lone ...ok!
But I don't you are gonna leave me alone ..because I don't wanna leave you alone either cause am enjoying talking to you, am glad to have a great that's so sweet :)

So ... what are you doing there?
OMG! OMG! Are you now planning to go for a long ride at night with cid cid and just cid??Ha!

[Meraki]

XD you make me laugh. I was just thinking really but that sounds nice too. I'm ready when you are :p

[Cid]

Lol! OMG! OMG! YOUR GONNA GIVING ME HEART ATTACK! ATTACK@#! ATTACK! OMG!
HEART ATTACK! WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CRAP! Ha!

[Meraki]

Hahahahaha!

[Cid]

Lol!
So ... what do you like in food?? (except eating me) lol

[Meraki]

Ha ha. Lol I like sushi and noodles, anything that isn't coconut really.

[Cid]

OMG! Well, am a vegetarian but I don't know, when am with you, i'd be veg or non-veg. LOL
Ah! I do like Noodles much ... so, would ya love to have some noodles with Cid with a cold cold cold drinks??

[Meraki]

Cold drinks in the cold? Wouldn't that make you cold? But noodles sounds nice

[Cid]

Well .. if your with me, how can you think that the coldness could stay around me?
So .. what do you mean by the way ..do you want some red wine?? lol

[Meraki]

I was kidding :p and no I don't drink.

[Cid]

Lol! Thank God! Yeah, Me too don't drink! When You said, you don't want cold drink, you really made my beat fast to think that OMG! Do you want Red wine at all!! Lol

So ....what's your fav. celebrity in the world?? (OMG! Is it me??)

[Meraki]

:o how'd you know? I've had the biggest crush on you since forever! You're my absolute favorite you know I have your posters all around my room and everything :D

[Cid]

Lol! Now I think, your making fun of me. lol

[Clouded in Hopeful Illu..]

This piece would do well with some stanzas and some line breaks. Reading straight through this piece does not allow the reader to sit with the speaker and feel the cold because we are too busy reading the next line.

The letter, which I assume is from the solider, addressed to Annabelle does us as a reader no good if it is in the subtext. Maybe incorporate that into the poem itself, since you already set it up when she is talking about holding his last letter in her hands. Think of it as if that space was not available to you – which goes for the very bottom where you tell us that this was at the end of world war 2. Without that little author’s comment, we would have never known that. You need to incorporate that somehow into the piece itself.

“Oh you’re here!
I thought you’d never come!” – Omit these two lines and start with a strong beginning, such as the next line.

“I was waiting for you at the train station” – I waited for you at the train station. Make sure to keep your tense throughout the whole poem.

“It started to snow” – It had started to snow.

“There was an indigent woman
She smiled at me
Wearing nothing but thin rags
She was freezing” – As much as I like this section, I am unsure what it has to do with the dynamics between your two characters. Maybe if this woman somehow resembled one or another, or maybe made the speaker think of how the other character must have spent cold nights during the war, then you would want to add that in.

“I gave her my coat
The red one you bought me” – I don’t know if understand the reference you have here. Considering that you have based this piece during the era of World War 2, you have to be conscious of everything that may include. If you have ever seen “Schneider’s list”, then you would understand that the meaning behind a red coat can come to mean an incredibly strong concept.
This idea also comes into play with the fact that your speaker is waiting for the “last train”. If your speaker is Jewish, or the loved one they are waiting for is Jewish, than this poem takes on a very dark and foreboding tone. You need to make sure that you give this piece a place so that the audience can fully grasp the context of it.

“As I held your letter in my frozen hands” – This would be a good place to show us what that letter might have said.

“It’s warm here
Yes l know I’m dead
How? Oh well because
I heard the last train come in
I never woke up” - This is all very jarring and very out of nowhere. Maybe the speaker says something about waking up to warmth and her solider next to her and that is how she knows that she is dead. And you can have her solider or even her say something about how she waited until the last train. You would actually hold your audience in suspense longer if you did not give away that the speaker is dead, but rather just hint at it through the last two lines.

[Meraki]

Wow I never thought about all of that. I mean yes it was missing something but now I see the potential it had to be great. Thank you! Thank you so much for helping me!

[Clouded in Hopeful Illusions of False Delusions]

You are welcome! Just remember to keep writing :)

[R. L. Hill]

This is sad but pretty. Love rekindled in death.

[Meraki]

Thank you!