Dear Mom

This is to enter contest of Letter for a Loved One. Whether dead or alive. And as my mother passed this year, I decided to write a letter to her from the depth of my own heart

  

Dear Beloved Mom:

     To this day, it seems as if only yesterday, I found you sitting outside, in the garden, looking at the sun.  And I ran to hug you and say, I love you.  We hugged and than I decided to take a picture or two of you.

  You fussed due to your hair being a tad messy, but I told you to not worry, as you were beautiful. So in the end, here we are, five months, ever since you left to be with the Lord.  Time has not stopped, yet, we keep expecting you to show up, from time to time and act as if nothing has ever happened. 

  Yet, this is a lie. You are gone, more physically, yet in spirit, you remain, bounded to our hearts and soul. We miss you so much.  Dad is mentally and spiritually broken.  I have been able to keep my own moods up, yet I did fall into a deep depression, in March, and fell ill with 4 different type of infections.  At that time, I was wanting to simply die to be with you.  Yet, in the end, my thoughts were selfish, as your granddaughter is still in need of me.  

  I dream with you often.  And your things, are as you left them.  All in order, and dust falling upon them.  Your clothes still smell like you. And I will always cherish each memory made, the year before, you got worse.

  Out of all the memories, the one, that I always loved the most, was the time you told me of how you had picked me out of an orphanage.  And as Dad likes to point out, he had picked another baby girl, he liked, but you were not convinced.

  

    And Mamachi accompanied you and dad the day you went to choose the newest member of your family. The orphanage I was in, was being remodeled, as they had reached there capacity of taking orphans in.

  So on the day, you both arrived, the babies, were in a room, in which, some shared a crib, and others were separated and each babe was clothed with beautiful dresses, so you could be captivated.

  As I recall, you stated that my crib was on the opposite side, all alone, and set aside from the healthy baby girls that they had at that time.  And you looked at each baby they presented to you, and they all were chubby, and smiling and content.  Yet, something kept on tugging at your heart, to inquire about my crib.

 And eventually, one of the workers told you that I was very weak and ill. My body was covered in sores, and they were not sure that anyone would want a baby as myself.  Well, at that point, you stated that God touched your heart and told you to go and look at me.  And you walked up to my crib, and saw a sickly baby, clothed in a large dress, and the smell that hit you was of urine and feces, as I had dirtied myself, and who knows how long, since that no one had changed me.

  My arms and legs were covered in boils, and I merely looked up at you, as if surprised, that someone was actually showing some interest in me.

    You were appalled at my state and asked for a clean, cloth diaper and clothes, and the workers, rushed to your side, and tried getting you away from me. Yet you insisted that they let you clean me up and after that, you picked me up as gently as you could, and held me against your chest.  Dad was on the other side, holding up a six month old baby girl, who had dark, brown hair, and blue eyes, and her skin color matched yours.

   See I was brown, and had black hair, and my eyes were dark brown.  He said, that she was perfect, yet you listened to God and told him that I was to be the one, and not her.  He was not too happy at my appearance.  And during this whole time, I never cried but would look you in the face, marveled that someone would even be interested in me.

   And so it came to be, that I was to be your daughter, and I would become a sister to my older brother who was also adopted before me.  

    And I was named, Maria Eugenia.  Of course, my life in itself, did not end up being as God would have liked, and many scars I came to bare, by the time I was merely three years of age, yet, I was able to withstand so much.  Even if some events drove us apart, in the end, with Gods help we were able to mend our wounds and I came to know a Love as no other, from you alone.  And now a days, some people refer to their parents as adoptive parents, and I do at times, yet in the end, for me, there was never any other mother except for you alone.

   I am grateful that my own birth mother, let me live, and gave me up so that I could have a better life.  Not sure if I will ever meet her in person, but I would let her know, what a marvelous woman you were.

  Strict, yes, and yet with such strength to withstand so much, and your faith in God was always present in your life.

  Many people say how much they miss you, but none will miss you as I do. For I am still your daughter and always will be. I will never forget the last times we spoke, when you still were of sound mind, and how you worried about much, and I did my best to reassure you that Andy and I would be fine.

  I still remember the day your soul departed from your earthly body.  The pain and anguish still present, but at least the reassurance that you are in a much better place, has helped me gain some acceptance and peace to your passing.

  But I will never stop feeling this way, and yet I will go on living, and doing my best to trust in God, and move on in life.  I will always carry a piece of you in my heart and soul.  Of that I will never let go.

  Thank you Mom, for loving me from the start even if Dad was not so happy about your choice.  God was, and so am I.

           With much gratitude and Love,

                I bid you, Farewell, for now.

                        Your loving daughter, now and forevermore,

                                             Maria Eugenia.

Author's Note

The picture of the beautiful woman with two small children on her lap, is an actual photo of my mom ,with my older brother and I. I was a year old in this picture. Yep, that really is me.