Chester Pugilists (My First Time)

A non fiction piece about... well, you'll see.

Chester Pugilists

            Fighting and sex are similar in that your first time is invariably an awkward display of uncoordinated flailing, impotent misdirected thrusts, and sweaty shame, but you can still brag to your friends that you did it. I remember the first fight in my Chester house. Having boxing gloves in the house had been meant to prevent any conflicts from turning into dangerous, unsportsmanlike violence. Incidentally they had the opposite effect, turning any point of disagreement into grounds for backyard boxing and betting on beer. But even the initial hope that the 12 oz. gloves would prevent bare knuckle boxing proved ambitious.
            This one couple always got into fights at my parties. It was incredibly antisocial to have them screaming about cheating and then hooking up with my other guests out of revenge. Finally, one of their disagreements turned into a roar of drunken people telling me that he’d shoved her. I ran downstairs intent on backhanding him. If you’ve never backhanded anyone, you should know that your knuckles will reflexively recoil in horror as you realize that they are about to crack against face bone. So when I whipped my hand at his face it just kind of bounced limply away, hardly leaving a mark. This left me unprepared for him tackling me a moment later.

            We rolled about the ground clutching each other for a few minutes before both exhausting ourselves. In this respect, it wasn’t unlike losing my virginity. We looked at each other. Even though he should never have shoved her, however that had happened, I felt supremely bad for having prematurely struck him. Despite high fives from friends and affirmations that I’d “done the right thing,” I felt an uncanny sympathy as I dwelt on the baseness of my actions.

            Which brings me to losing my virginity. She was drunkenly playing twister with all the guys. I was falling into her every chance I got so that, like clock work, she would steady me by resting her hand on my chest and neck. It was young love. When she finally pulled me upstairs I made sure to mask my anticipation by pouring vodka-something with my jittery hands. In retrospect, I asked way too many questions. I’d done that when I’d fought too. I think in either case, at one point or another I said, “How’s that feel?” proudly and then later, “can you feel this?”

            Fifteen minutes later I came downstairs with her and everyone cheered. High fives. Reassurances from friends. There was still that ambivalence between pride and shame. It haunts me now, as I write. I have too many stories, and the same story that inspires high fives in some people generally get me stink eyes from others. So it seems to me that shame usually bears some humor or pride, among those one is familiar with, and those who are unfamiliar recognize the stupidity and shamelessness. At any rate, I’m a good person.

            Please, I am. 

Author's Note

Please leave reviews/recommendations. There may be a lie or two in here. I'm not afraid to twist a truth if anyone has suggestions as o what should go or be added or twisted.

Reviews

[Marie]

You've said it all pretty well and pretty shamefully. Fighting at a party is not appropriate. Sex should be a private thing, not something for people to know about and cheer.
But I believe you're a good person.

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks for the benefit of the doubt Marie. I'm a very awkward person in real life. Not that i can't talk about things, just that i don't mind discrediting myself for the sake of a good story. (I maintain that I don't generally kiss and tell though).

[Baby Ricochet]

This was a really good story bro and I seldom read stories. I don't have that kind of time for the WC. The writing is nicely balanced and reads like a friend telling a casual story which carries an excellent delivery. On the subject matter f*****g and fighting are similar on an emotional level particularly to women. There is a certain truth to the make up sex myth and that's got much to do with it. Anyway you wrote a great story. Outstanding work sir.

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks Ric,

Me and my friends tell a lot of stories and I'm trying to get better at writing them out. The stories you tell with friends cut to the chase faster.

[BurkeLerch]

This is great! I enjoy the pace of the narrative quite a bit, and your language is honest and believable. Don't be afraid to bend the truth! A few small spelling and grammatical errors, but nothing glaring. I feel that you should include more specifics about your motivation to break up the lover's quarrel. It's a great opportunity to let the reader get to know you a little better. This is a great coming of age story!

[Epipsychologist]

Thanks. I'm writing this for a contest at my school. Not sure if the content is too uncouth for my professors, but I'm willing to take a risk. Anyway, I'll be sure to add some about that. I also appreciate constructive criticism.