Goodbye Sweetheart

Written in response to some imagined and real life events.

Holding her hands tightly,he hoped she would understand.As they sat outside the cafe.

'It's just something I have to do,to feel like a man again',he said,gazing intently into her eyes.
'Surely there must be easier ways to prove your manhood',she pleaded.For you to sign up with them for five years,what the hell is wrong with you',she demanded.
He knew had no answer that would satisfy her,whether she would be willing to wait for him,for five long years was unlikely.

His mind drifted back to the summer months,as he and his long time friends had enjoyed many late night alcohol fueled evenings in the popular seaside resort where they lived.Visitors coming from far and wide to sample the delights of the picturesque town,perched near the cliff top.People,alcohol,hot weather,its a mixture where anything can happen,and often does.As the evening wears on,alcohol flows,and violence is always on the agenda.

If he could have that time back now,how different it would be.He would have being more brave,and not the coward that he labelled himself to be.But it was too late now,the man was dead,dropped to the ground in a flurry of punches,followed swiftly by the jagged edge of the blade inserted with practiced expertise just under his rib cage.

He would always remember holding him gently,willing him to live,screaming for the ambulance,the last few sounds he made,struggling to breath,gasping,and then silence.

Many,many times how he had berated himself for what he saw as his cowardice on that summers evening.He found no peace,nor solace from the alcohol,and illicit drugs he used to ease his pain.Rejected by the army,for reasons unknown to him.If the Foreign Legion would not accept him,well then any country looking for someone willing to fight for a cause,for whatever reasons.To assuage feelings of guilt. To die because he couldn't take living with himself anymore.Any of these would suffice.

Could she ever understand his reasons.Was there really any point trying to explain.'Goodby sweetheart',he said,as he left her at the cafe and headed in the direction of the barracks,just outside of town.
===========================
I let him die,that is no lie
As I held him in my arms and wept
Why could I not be a stronger man
Instead of the coward that I am
I was frozen with fear,that much is clear
When violence came calling that summer's night
I watched from afar as he was beaten to the draw
In that long drawn out and bloody fight
How they surrounded him like jackals
Inflicted their violence from on high
How was I to know he was going to die
The illicit drugs and alcohol don't ease my pain
It is with me each and every day
I could have done more,I should have done more
This is what I hear myself saying
I have to do,what I gotta do
So I don't feel such a fool
To wipe the slate clean,if you know what I mean
So I can stand tall,and be a man again
Not hide away
I will join the Legion,to be a man again
I will go where ever it is I am sent
No more will others call me a coward and a fool
I will inflict violence on others as I drool
I will learn to be a violent man,a cantankerous,an angry
Brutal and seething man

What I would do to have that night back again
So I could do what I could do to save my friend
It's too late now,he's gone and not coming back
I must live with that knowledge,and that is a fact
This is why I must leave you,can you see that
To restore some self esteem and keep it intact
If you choose to wait the five years I'm asking you to
That's all well and good
If you don't wish to wait,that's okay to

So I'll go and sell my soul to the Legion
Do whatever it is,they ask me to do
For I cannot live with the man that I am
I gotta do to change what I can
So if I ever again see one of my friends,in trouble and in need of help
I will stand like the man,that I know that I am
Not the fearful coward I once was
What I would give for that summers night
To help save the life of my friend in that fight
Never again will that happen I swear
You watch my word's sweetheart,and you take care.

Written in response to a photo prompt seen here :

 

Author's Note

I would appreciate honest reviews.Say it as it is.