Selfish Mon

Gazing up through the sky, looking for you.. staring at the moon that is not even half the beauty of your eyes, looking at the stars reminding me of the taste of your lips.. wandering with my thoughts finding myself lost in your wonders, realizing that you’re more glamorous than the night’s sky and the pain of your absence burns hotter than the sun itself, every bit of a second a bit of nano-second I feel your soul dancing within me, although it’s not there, and I know that it’s just my heart beats playing tricks on me.. making me believe there’s a ghost of you that never leaves my brain alone which is leading to a serious disease entitled with your name, a disease that is taking my breath away but not killing me, a disease that is meant to drive me insane a disease that I find it rather addicting.. because you see.. I rather talk to that ghost of you than stay silent burying all these words in the cemetery of my inspiration, I rather dream of you, dream of us than breathe this reality of torture, even if it only brought more pain, I guess that’s why I call it a disease because it’s painful but beautifully.
I keep on staring to the sky, craving your existence beside me, lusting the scent of your perfume around me, and as I do that I feel my head getting heavier and my veins starting to beat.. is that you? Are you consuming me, are you planting these scars inside of me? Or are you burning the memories out of my heart? Is that you or am I just drunk from this overdose of thinking of you? I probably am. It’s not like you can hear my inner screams or see the shape I’m in, it’s not like you’re here anymore to embrace what’s left of me..
Instead you’re far far away, healing away from me dancing with someone else building a new smile… while I’m here drowning in my own trance, wandering in yesterday… killing myself with this great jealousy that i can't seem to overcome, jealousy that drives me mad…
but.. it’s okay, as long as you’re okay.. I’ll be alright living the shadow making sure you’re in the light.
but probably I won't .. Who am I kidding… I was never alright, not a second since I lost you my beloved, look at me? I'm so much of a mess that you'd hate me, I'm a disaster and I can't break free, I'm frozen in time, an ice age that can't be melted without your smile.. I'm fading for being stupid enough to let go of your hand when I could've held it longer,
And I’m sorry my limit was less than what you desired, I'm sorry I couldn't give you the love that you deserve, I'm sorry you're not here to wipe my tears, I'm sorry you're there and I'm still living here.
I’m sorry, I left .. I just couldn't bear to watch anymore.. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to breathe the jealousy of her with you in, I'm sorry I can't stop myself from loving you..

Selfish Mon �"