Breathe

 

So tired of feeling this way

Chest tightens imperceptibly

Reach for a purple discus lodged

Unmoving

Unhelpful

Inside restricted pockets

I panic

Lungs hurt

It's hard to breathe

Someone help me

 

Body's rejecting more

Life-giving oxygen

Forced out

Beyond rhyme or reason

Unable to cope

Ironically,

Each episode brought on

By the healthiest of all things

- laughter.

 I gave up

Dropped down to part time

Figured it was better off doing without

The full time hours

Than doing without a job in general

Inside l hate myself

Would rather just be a hypochondriac

Really, that would be easier

But they say l'm not, so l have to wait

For those who know better

To tell me why

Tell me how to fix it

What not to do

In reality

They really don't care

It's not their life that's screwed

Beyond repair

I put the inhaler to my lips

Fighting to keep focused on what I need to do

Push the button

Pray for it to work

And wait, ignoring the ever-encroaching blackness

That blooms behind my eyes

Increasing

Everytime I forget and start to laugh

I don't feel alive

I don't like being unable to laugh

At my lover's jokes

Or being unable to see the expression on his face

When yet again l start gasping

Uncontrollably

For something that simply isn't there

and my eyes close

of their own volition

 

Someone

Help me

Please, take it away

Make it better

I'm getting dizzy and

I don't wanna see a doctor again

They'll just say the same old things

But

I'm afraid

Afraid to live

Afraid to be myself again

 

 ~ april 17th 07

Laurie - asma related obviously

Reviews

[djdopeslap]

This is just so exactly what asthma is like. I have it too.

I love the fact that in this poem it was triggered by laughter, 'the best medicine'.

[Wolfwind Words]

Like someone lost in a cave and just can't find their way out. They constantly feel constricted, like in a small room.
I can relate to this, not for asma, but claustophobia,
You have writen and brought to us the feelings of helplessness for sure!
Great job!

[Sarajane]

Wow. Impressive. I like how you write about asthma also when it sounds about being increadibly hurt. Very well written, i hope everyday is not liek this. Iv been though that also, its very difficult. Overall, ur great at writing