As I Await Extraction from this Life...

A Poem by Mishael H.R. Martineaux

Do not try to make life palatable

with your sugarcoated ideals.

They rot the mind

and leave cavities in the soul,

like vacuums of great nothingness;

stinking and empty,

Wanting desperately, to be filled.

© 2016 Mishael H.R. Martineaux

Author's Note

My work is open to critique. What do you think of the metaphor? Is it complete and clearly depicted? Thanks in advance for your feedback!

My Review

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Reviews

ForgottenByTheWorld

The metaphor was clear and concise. It wasn't over stated or a long shot. Overall, you really got your idea across in a way that will be remembered by anyone who reads it even though your poem only consisted of 7 lines. It could also be applicable to any idea that is sugar coated, which makes it relatable to a majority of people. Good work, and I hope to read more from you!

Posted 7 Years Ago

7 Years Ago

Trying to effectively word short poetry is always difficult and a bit risky, but I'm happy to know t.. read more

Marianne Rose

I love this poem, simple but wonderful consistent metaphor that captures the sense of what happens when we use empty platitudes and trite phrases to soothe someone's pain. Yes, it feels complete to me. Thank you!

Posted 7 Years Ago

2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

7 Years Ago

Thank you Marianne, that is exactly what I was trying to express. It's wonderful to know that you a.. read more

Nessly

Sugar rots and decays our teeth much like what 'sugarcoated ideals' may do to our insides. I'm not sure what ideals you are referring to though, but I do like the metaphor.