Flea-Bitten

I’m the flea-bitten dog you hold at arm’s length,

Starving for love I have no more strength

 

The card deck of life has a mad dealer,

Please hear me and deal me a brand new hand sir

 

Insanely he’s laughing as he stares at my nerve,

“Why human? It’s just a game. That IS what I serve.”

 

“What fun would you have? What would you learn?”

 “Now go seek out laughter. Go take your turn.”

 

“Tho not just a gamble if you look at it twice,

there may be a good card to show that I’m nice.”

 

So in this western world with superficial eyes,

With no depth or soul, and so many in disguise

 

Always looking for what I think love should be,

The hand I was dealt makes it too hard to see

 

I shall soften my eyes when I look at myself,

Put the whip of judgment back on the shelf

 

I could easily fold and be done with this game,

I’m pretty damn close to going insane

 

But I hear the dealer laughing cuz I’ve got an Ace,

I think I’ll just chance it and show my true face

Reviews

[DoormanDan]

Sorry I'm a day late with this review! Had too much to do yesterday! Anyway, I said I'd be honest, and I shall be. Honestly, this poem is very well written. You made use of some nice imagery, and I especially enjoyed the incorporation and usage of a deck of cards into this work. Your flow is on point. There's one particular line I think could do with some rewriting (not because it's bad, but because it's out of place), "Please hear me and deal me a brand new hand sir". I see what you are going for with this line, that rhyme is a bit of a stretch. That's the only suggestion I have to give for this piece. You've done a wonderful job with this poem :).

[Moon]

Thanks so much! I know exactly what you meant with that one line. I was struggling with wanting to change it because it IS out of place but I haven't come up with a replacement yet. Still working on I guess. I can't force write tho. So I'm waiting for the next day when I feel the vibe. Thanks again! I will get around to reviewing something of yours soon.

[DoormanDan]

You're welcome :)

[Tony Jordan]

This is a sad write but happy in its outlook. Keep writing MOON.

[MAC]

okay, i find this sad BUT creatively and style wise it is an exceptional write!

[Moon]

Thank you Mark! Yep sad times. Apparently you know about them.

[MAC]

you are welcome and yes...known sadness in my yesterdays, today and tomorrows to come. sort of sucks but there aren't many surprises anymore.