Eggshells

I could never get the feel,

How your day ever went

Your moods went from "hot to cold". 

Was never too sure...

It was due to you being older?

Or the stress as the days pass would progress

You were always working hard

In fact, that whole scene, I admired dearly. 

 

Waking up to your presence,

Careesing my body throughly

Kissing my forehead firmly

As other days, you would be in the balcony

Reading the newspaper

And drinking your coffee.

Those are the days when I would try to get your affection

And you to simply would deny me

 

All along I felt as if I was walking in eggshells

Honestly, I questioned this relationship MULTIPLE times

I literally stood behind you H

Hoping one day you could cope with me

 See right through me

Noticing I was the one you could ever have.

 

"What about you?" That is a question you asked me.

 

Made me realize...

We weren't even meant to be

All this damn time

Blind folded

Always hoping for the best

Never a change

I kept on walking on eggshells

Trying my best to not make a mistake

As a spanking will soon come and prevail

Was this a life-style I wanted? Or just a fantasy in the works?

 

At the end, those eggshells were always a mess.

Author's Note

I wrote this as a story. As you can see, not a happy ending one, but I am still debating if I should leave it like this? Or make it more into a poem? As I am used to writing poems. Review as you please.

Reviews

[Marshall]

I like the structure of this poem and the silky smooth conversation-like writing. Although it feels like a journey starting out to write I can see huge talent in this poem. The details are clear and cleverly arranged. The casual pace is interesting and the storyline unfolds in a nice readable way.
Well done.

[Atram Dace]

Hey again, I read the edited version of your story and I'd like to say that it had improved much. There is now a sense of clarity within your piece in which each section concerns itself with a particularly mood that adds to the overall atmosphere of doubt towards the relationship. I really like the part where you made the question, "what about you?" stand alone because it shifted a change on the character's behavior from questioning the relationship to identifying the problem.

[Atram Dace]

I get the overall gist of the story but the order of one sentence to another is a bit confusing. Since youa re experience in poetry, I suggest making it to a poem. That way, the narrative can be clearer. if you want to stick it to a story, maybe you could add some more characterization on the protagonist and her relationship -or what she think is that state of it. Overall, the piece has potential.

[Missiannelli]

Thank you! I shall make it into a poem, for sure. Maybe later I can do a rather good story, but all with time. I JUST started writing poems again. So, it'll benefit me to stick into that for right now. Much Love and appreciate the honesty.